Do you ever get on Instagram and feel like the worst mom ever? Yeah, I do every day.
The algorithm knows my weakness, and I am constantly bombarded by videos of moms making perfectly themed lunches, delivering special snacks to their kids’ rooms, helping with flawless science projects and hosting birthday parties only a celebrity could compete with. I’m not knocking them—I tried to make healthy homemade gummy bears with my oldest once. But somewhere between the third and fourth kid, we landed on lunch from the gas station when I forget to buy food. It’s life, and it happens. Everything has its place. I am just writing this to let you know it’s totally OK to take a break.
I call my mom constantly, feeling guilty about what other moms do that I don’t, and most of the time, she reassures me with a, “Don’t worry. I never did that for you!” Thanks, Mom. (I often dream about what it was like to be a mom before the internet!)
To be honest, studies are starting to show that it is actually possible to do too much for your kids. Educators and psychologists call it “helicopter parenting” or “over-parenting.” We’re probably all guilty of it, and I’m convinced it stems from social media, where every mom puts her best face forward and influencers often set unrealistic standards.
The problem with over-parenting is that it can hinder kids from developing essential life skills. The main concerns are:
Lack of problem-solving opportunities: When we step in too fast to solve our kids’ problems, they don’t learn how to deal with challenges independently, which can keep them from learning how to manage frustration and failure.
- Reduced sense of responsibility: If you take on all your kids responsibilities, they may grow up expecting other people to meet their needs, which can negatively affect relationships and potential employment.
- Stunted emotional resilience: Psychologists believe that if kids are never allowed to experience discomfort, they may not develop the emotional skills to manage stress, anxiety or disappointment. Dr. Wendy Mogel discusses in her book The Blessing of a Skinned Knee how trials help our kids build emotional strength.
- Overemphasis on success and safety: This one shook me. Basically, our society is so focused on success and safety that it limits opportunities for our kids to take risks, make mistakes and learn from those mistakes. This is a vital part of growing up!
It’s so hard to know when to step in and when to let go. I pray over my kids every single day because I believe parenting is the greatest walk of faith. I found these points really eye-opening and also a little bit pressure-relieving. I don’t need to do everything for my kids daily. Let them do some things for themselves. Let them forget something at school and not rush to the rescue. Don’t get too upset if they fall down and get a few bumps and bruises. Studies are showing they will be better for it and will grow into thriving adults. I am working on smart ways to help my kids become more independent. I will report back. As always, we are all just doing the very best we can, and 99.9% of the time, that’s enough.
—XO Katelyn
Katelyn Young is a local mom of four (her #crumblycrew) who shares real moments of motherhood as it relates to fashion, food and fun! Follow her on Instagram @_katelynyoung_.