The Harvey Weinstein sage (and the subsequent upheaval in Hollywood) hopefully will shine a light on a problem much closer to home: teenage girls being sexually harassed at school. Adolescent girls get groped primarily in hallways and classrooms, but they also experience it at mixers or any place without supervision. Sexual harassment is so common that it’s become the norm for many girls I talk to; they have become numb to it.
Annie: “It happens all the time; guys will squeeze your butt or ‘accidentally’ rub up against your chest or kind of grind on you. I’ve told them to stop a million times, but it doesn’t do any good. So I usually just keep walking and try to ignore them.”
Girls have told me countless times that if they stand up for themselves, the boy and his cohort will laugh and call them prudes. If they get more aggressive in their defense, they are rudely labeled feminists, and if they do nothing, they are known as sluts. Many girls tell me it’s useless to tell an adult because nothing happens, and disturbingly, peers are often muted bystanders.
I advise girls to find an adult who they trust will take them seriously, explain what’s happening, and ask for action to be taken when it occurs. When a guy gropes them in the hallway, they should firmly tell him to stop and threaten to report it to the police officer on duty, and then follow through if it happens again. If they are unsatisfied with the action taken, girls and their parents can report it further up the chain of command.
Young people won’t take this problem seriously until adults around them do. There is still an attitude that ‘boys will be boys,’ and many blame girls because of their ‘provocative’ clothing or how they act. But it’s an issue we can’t ignore. Guys who violate boundaries should experience immediate, severe consequences so girls can feel safe at school.
Research has shown that the best anti-bullying programs are the ones that focus on the bystanders, not the perpetrator or victim. I believe the same holds true for sexual harassment. We need to create spaces where teens can have open discussions with each other, so the behaviors and consequent feelings can be dealt with appropriately. Commitments and boundaries need to be set by all students and school administration, and there should be regular follow-up to hold everyone accountable.
We need to revamp the ‘guy culture’ that tolerates disrespect. Boys need to be educated about how their behaviors affect those around them. They need to learn ways to experience closeness other than through physical contact and to respect even a weak “no” or “stop it.”
Adults who are perpetrators learned the behavior much earlier, and everyone has a part in solving the problem.