Parents and teachers have got itt all wrong with Morgan. She’s a junior in high school whose 2.0 GPA has attracted the wrath of her parents and teachers, who constantly nag her about a lack of effort and motivation. She has been labeled as ‘lazy’ and depressed, and has become more withdrawn at home and at school.
Worse yet, Morgan has accepted these labels as true, which further discourages her. She has been diagnosed with learning disabilities that curtail her abilities in the classroom. Morgan watches her peers barely open a book and get straight A’s while she labors away to achieve C’s at best. It makes sense why, after 11 years of struggling, she has become discouraged to the point of giving up.
I liken it to someone who has minimal artistic talent being forced to attend art school for seven hours a day, five days a week, nine months of the year while everyone around them draws and paints with ease.
They would no doubt develop some antipathy toward their schooling, too.
What everyone seems to be missing when they see Morgan is her tremendous passion and focus with her artwork. When I met her in my office through my counseling practice, I noticed a beautiful, intricate design painted on her hand. She had painted it on herself in about 10 minutes during math, her most challenging class. It was incredible.
Morgan may never show that kind of focus and enthusiasm for schoolwork, as many adult artists, musicians, inventors and entrepreneurs can attest to. For these kinds of kids, we need to value passion where they find it.
It’s critical that every teen leaves high school with developed self-efficacy, grit, and the ability to initiate, create and pursue what interests them. And they should become fully engaged in their passions. They may find this through academics, on the sports field, in theater, in a band, by starting their own business, or in their own creative writing.
Morgan is showing everyone around her through her artistic creations that she has the focus, determination and creativity to be successful in life. She has thought about going to art school at NYU after high school graduation, despite many adults discouraging her with comments about “not being able to make a living as an artist.” I encouraged her to contact art schools to get exact requirements for admission, because that information is what will motivate her. It‘s a way for Morgan to do what she needs to do to go after what she wants.
I look at kids like Morgan, and I know they are going to be successful because of the joy, determination, experiences and enthusiasm they bring to their passions. Mirror those feelings back to every discouraged kid instead of criticizing and labeling them.
Value passion where you find it, and appreciate the unique gifts that each child has to offer to our world.
Tim Jordan, M.D., is a behavioral pediatrician who specializes in counseling girls ages 6 through college. He recently launched an online video parents course, Taking Flight: Everyday Parenting Wisdom to Help Girls Soar. For more information, visit drtimjordan.com.