Patty Unleashed: 11.20.19

I am gobsmacked, amazed, dumbstruck. Basically, I am speechless. I became a grandmother last week, and I would love to fill the rest of this space with a picture of the most beautiful baby boy ever born, Robert Jay Hannum (friends and family can call him Robbie). But the small one pictured here will do, and I will use my words to try and explain my new role in life.

My husband and I arrived home late Thursday night from Florida three weeks before the due date of Baby Hannum knowing how those little guys can arrive whenever they want. Our daughter Tess had called us earlier in the week and said she was coming home from Chicago that weekend, and she actually got to our house before we did. Her brother Jack (Robbie’s dad) picked her up from the airport.

The next day, I was at the neurologist getting ready to receive 33 Botox injections for my migraines when I looked at my phone and saw a text from Jack that said, “Code Red: Lisa’s water broke. At hospital. 2 cm.” I screamed, startling the doctor holding the needle, which is never good, but we both quickly recovered, and I sat still long enough to get the injections. At least I think I got the injections. I don’t really remember. Jack and Lisa had been clear the birth of the baby was going to be witnessed by no one but the two of them, which was fine by me considering I did not want to witness the birth of my own two kids. “No thank you, nurse, no reason to hold a mirror for me to see the baby crowning. I am fine up here!”

I got home, and Carey, Tess and I began to wait. I assumed it would be a long wait considering it was the first baby, but no, not my Robbie. At 11:45 a.m., we received another text: “9 cm.” Then silence until 12:45 p.m.: “We have a baby.” Now, here is where it got tricky. I knew they wanted to be left alone, but I really needed a name, weight and details, and I needed to see this little bugger, so how did I get myself invited to the hospital without being that kind of mother-in-law? So I texted: “Congrats. Let me know if I can bring you anything.” And then time stood still as I watched those three little dots as my son typed. Would I get the brushoff or would I get the invite?

“Lisa would like a smoothie.” We were in! You have never seen three people more excited at the prospect of driving to Smoothie King in your life! We stopped at the florist, where a kind woman asked, “Can I help you?” and I responded, “Which of these arrangements says I just gave birth 20 minutes ago?” A few more stops and then we were at the hospital, stumbling into the room to meet the newest member of our crazy, kooky family.

And there he was, in the ‘warming drawer,’ all legs— 20 inches long, 6 lbs., 2 oz., and time stood still until someone croaked out, “Does he have a name?” And of course it was Robert Jay, because why wouldn’t they name this beautiful boy by combining their own dads’ names into one? I stared, and I continue to stare, and I know I am the luckiest person alive. My Robbie.

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