Of course I got the flu vaccine. I do every year. I am a rule follower, and when my doctor tells me to do something, I do it. I am also a hypochondriac, so I spend a lot of time researching things on WebMD just to make sure my doctor is up-to-date on all of the latest studies. I’d call myself helpful; my doctor may call me crazy.
Anyway, back to the flu. I’ve never had it before (until recently). Oh sure, I’ve had colds, strep throat, bronchitis and a bunch of other stuff, but never have I felt this bad. How could my head hurt so much (says the woman with chronic migraines) and my body ache all over, combined with chills and congestion? Since I had the flu vaccine, I assumed it must be the plague. A reasonable assumption don’t you think? When I listed my symptoms online, it was one of the possibilities according to Google. So once I diagnosed myself, I sought medical attention.
I called my doctor, who will remain nameless. (Not because I am concerned about any HIPAA violations; I just don’t want any other hypochondriacs going to her with their fake diseases when she needs to be concerned about mine.) I calmly explained that my cough from the week earlier was not getting any better, I had additional symptoms and it seemed I had the plague. She asked me if I had been to Madagascar recently. No, I had not. After a little bit more discussion, she ruled out the plague and concluded that I had the flu, one of the strains not covered by the vaccine. What!?
I’m sure you have competing thoughts right now. First, how did my doctor not burst out laughing when I announced I had the plague? I am not sure, but I suspect they are taught in medical school not to react to outright foolishness. Second, how is it possible that I didn’t know you could still get the flu even if you got the vaccine? I suppose I don’t really follow the rules after all. I didn’t read the piece of paper that explains how the vaccine cannot possibly cover all of the various strains.
So, off to bed I went. Now, I know this is where I should say how hard it was for me to lay around and do nothing, but it wasn’t. I actually like lounging in pajamas in my bed watching Hoarders on TLC. Throw in a little MSNBC and a dash of Hallmark movies and the next thing you know, my flu became the little staycation I needed after the chaos of the holidays. Until I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror.
You see, I am an unattractive sick person. I always think of Jenny from Love Story. I know Ali MacGraw was not really sick, but she looked beautiful in the hospital in her cute nightgown while her boyfriend promised love meant never having to say you’re sorry. I looked like a train wreck. My hair was flat, my T-shirt nightgown was frayed, and there was no glow in my cheeks. I looked SICK. My ever-patient doctor told me it would take about a week or so before I felt better, and she was right. I can now face myself in the mirror, sit upright and function as the somewhat crazy adult that I am. Until, of course, I start looking up stuff on WebMD. Like, why do my hands itch?
Contact Patty at phannum@townandstyle.com.