Patty Unleashed: 3.9.16

One of the benefits of writing this column is I am held accountable because there are so many witnesses to what I blab on about. Wait, is that a benefit? Anyway, you may recall that one of my resolutions was to take more chances this year. To get started on that, I crammed three new experiences into one week.

First up: cryotherapy. Never heard of it? Then you must not watch The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills! My friend Amanda broke her ankle and needed to speed up her recovery. She swore by cryotherapy. But before I could hustle out to Subzero Cryotherapy in Chesterfield, the women on my favorite TV show were trying it. So there I was in my birthday suit, except for socks and gloves, inside a cryochamber while nitrogen gas lowered my body’s temperature to 30 degrees. You read correctly. For maximum benefit, you should remain in the chamber for 3 minutes. I had to stop after 2. Even with the shorter time, all my ‘bits and pieces’ were frozen. (I still can’t believe nothing fell off.) I was miserable, but to be fair, other people rave about the benefits of this for muscle soreness. They claim it decreases pain and increases metabolism. I just did not have the grit to stick it out—plus I wanted to keep all my body parts.

Next, I’ve always admired the yoga body, but here’s the problem: Anytime I have tried yoga (all three times) I’ve felt like the Tin Man from The Wizard of Oz, completely clunky and in need of oil. And then there is the whole ‘being quiet’ issue. If I am going to work out, I need to be able to complain about it. Loudly. So ‘yoga for one’ seemed like a sensible solution. I took a private lesson with Heidi Johnson of Exercise Wise in Clayton. I actually enjoyed the movements and quickly realized why people who practice yoga look so good: It is hard work. That said, I think they should reconsider some of the pose names. Cow pose? Really? Who wants to look like a cow? Warrior, yes, cow, no. I know, this is an ancient practice and no one really wants my rebranding ideas.

And finally, I get migraines, and my doctor suggested I de-stress by learning some mindfulness techniques, which is code for ‘learn how to calm yourself down before you stroke out.’ That’s how I found myself at Dr. Diane Sanford’s Midwest Mind Body Health Center. Now, I have always scoffed, actually mocked, any kind of meditation as being ‘fluffy.’ You know, only for people who wear hemp and eat flaxseeds. I was wrong. The one hour I spent hanging my thoughts on clouds and watching them float away was one of the most relaxing I’ve had in months. It ranks right up there with my usual form of relaxation: reality TV, a diet Coke and peanut M&Ms. So, two out of three isn’t bad. And actually, if I was a little tougher, I might have had a better result from the cryotherapy. That said, I am going to take a break from trying new things and focus on my other resolutions, which include reconnecting with old friends. Be forewarned: If you don’t want to hear from me, don’t answer your phone.

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