I’ve had a weird few weeks, and to be honest, nothing fun has happened. My mind has been left to wander, and I’ve started to think about certain phrases people use in everyday conversations … that bug me. (Nothing conquers boredom faster than bitching.)
For example, the hair on the back of my neck always goes up when someone starts a conversation with: “Do you want me to be honest?” Of course you have to answer, yes. But when I hear that question, an alarm goes off in my head and I am back on the TV show Lost in Space, where my faithful robot is screaming, ‘Danger, Will Robinson,’ though I guess he would actually be screaming my name, not Will’s. Nothing good ever comes from that question. It is usually followed by someone telling you your pants look too tight, your rose gold hair looks too pink, or maybe that your acid reflux is caused by the six Diet Cokes you drink a day and you need to stop. But everyone, I mean everyone, always answers: “Yes, I want you to be honest,” when honestly, they don’t.
Another expression I want struck from any and all of my conversations is, “You know what I mean?” I always feel the need to answer yes. I realize I could easily say no and ask for more explanation, but that is just not my nature; nor is it most people’s. You tend to nod your head in agreement and only later wonder what the heck they were talking about. Years ago, I spent much of my time traveling from one small town to another. This was well before cell phones, so if you had car trouble or got lost, you had to rely on strangers for help. In my 15 years of criss-crossing the country, I never had a problem. On one trip, I was going to be making a somewhat tricky drive over the mountains and through the woods. The last thing someone said to me before I pulled away was, “If you have car trouble, don’t pull over too far into the holla’, if you know what I mean.” I said OK, having no idea what holla’ meant (this was way before Gwen Stefani and her song Hollaback Girls). So, for the next 2 1/2 hours, I sweated and cursed at myself for not asking what he meant. What is a holla’? What is in a holla’? And what would happen if I did pull too far into it?
When I finally arrived at my destination, against all employee/employer rules, I hugged my unsuspecting work colleague because I had lived through the journey without encountering the holla’. And no, I was too embarrassed to ask him what a holla’ was.
Finally, please stop asking me, “How do you really feel?” This is especially true if someone is going through a tough time. If you run into me at the grocery store and I tell you I’m fine, do us both a favor and leave it alone. Sure, I am probably lying to you, but I am certainly not going to have a Dr. Phil session with you in the cereal aisle as I try to hide the fact that I am buying Frosted Flakes and Cap’n Crunch instead of heart-healthy cereal. I know your intentions are good, and I do love you for them, but I just don’t want Dierbergs to have to announce, ‘Wet clean-up in Aisle 10. Woman’s emotional dam finally broke.’
Maybe next week I will tackle all the words and phrases we should stop using, like ‘whatever,’ ‘at the end of the day’ and ‘thought leader” … hmmmm.
Contact Patty at phannum@townandstyle.com.