I am often asked, ‘Where do you come up with the ideas for your column?’ My answer is, ‘I wish I knew.’ They just pop up, usually at the most inopportune times, which is why I always carry a notebook and pen with me. When I don’t have a pen, my notes are written with my Dior Addict lipstick. Some topics I am too afraid to devote an entire column to for fear someone will think I am crazy. So here are some of my latest scribbles. We shall call them Lipstick Musings from an Unruly Mind.
I want a summer of truth. Can we all be honest about what’s going on in our lives? Maybe you are feeling a little blue or your kid had trouble adjusting to college. So let’s stop with the stiff upper lip and admit that all is not fine. I will buy anyone a beer who speaks the truth this summer: the fancy craft kind, not Bud Light. Unless, of course, you truthfully want a Bud Light.
I think I am on TV. Do you ever watch the show, What Would You Do? Hidden cameras catch random people in stressful situations: a parent unfairly yelling at their child, a boyfriend calling his girlfriend fat or someone telling an insensitive joke. The camera records bystanders’ reactions. Obviously, the ‘right’ thing to do is say something. Over the years I have been told to mind my own business like a hundred times, but now that I might be secretly recorded, I find myself participating in everyone’s drama. I am waiting for the host of the show, John Quinones, to pop up and congratulate me. So far he hasn’t, and I am starting to worry that my meddling ways might result in someone punching me. Not that I wouldn’t deserve it.
I am addicted to real crime stories. As you know, the first step is admitting the problem. My addiction is to shows like Dateline, 48 Hours, 20/20 or my very favorite, Wives with Knives. First, I would never harm my husband because, well, I love him, but as I know from these shows, the spouse ALWAYS gets caught. Second, when I can’t sleep, I turn on one of these shows, and the next thing you know, I am in a nice, deep slumber. Murder quiets my mind. Who am I and can anyone help me?
Dogs don’t like to be hugged, so why have a dog? I recently read that dogs don’t like to be hugged, it stresses them out. Now, I always knew that cats weren’t too keen on people snuggling up to them, but dogs? My two dogs barely tolerate me, and maybe it’s because I routinely chase them around the house to hug them. It’s a way for me to reduce my stress, although now I find out I am causing them stress. What’s the answer?
And there you have it, a sample of what you will find in my notebook. Too bad I have run out of room and you won’t get to read my thoughts on: ‘Could one wear pajamas for an entire week?’
Contact Patty at phannum@townandstyle.com.