So my life has gone to hell in a handbasket. I am not sure what a handbasket is, but that’s what my mom used to say when she was at her wit’s end. I will not go into all of the gory details, but for medical reasons, I have been forced to start a new diet. As I’ve mentioned before, I have chronic migraines, and my doctor suggested I try an elimination diet. When I agreed, I thought it meant you eliminated one food at a time. Oh no! You eliminate everything anyone who has ever had a migraine triggered by food has mentioned to their doctor, who then reported it to some database that then put it on this list, and now, all I can eat is berries. (That is quite the run-on sentence, isn’t it? First, I don’t know how the list is created. Second, I can eat more than berries.)
I will be honest. My food choices are pretty much like those of a 12-year-old boy. They have gotten worse since my kids moved out, and my husband and I serve as each other’s enablers. “Let’s have ice cream with hot fudge for dinner!” “Will you pick up Steak ‘n Shake on your way home?” “I sure could go for a sprinkled doughnut!” The more processed the food, the better. I have never really cared about preservatives or the amount of pesticides my food contains. What’s wrong with a little side of RoundUp? Well, at 59, my eyes have been opened, and my eating habits are changing.
The first items on the list are caffeine, chocolate and diet soda. I have been trying to break my Diet Coke habit for years. I can’t do it. Last time I stopped drinking it was 22 years ago when I was pregnant with my daughter Tess. It was so hard for me and caused such anxiety that my OB/GYN told me to go ahead and have one a day because it was causing too much stress for me and the baby. If I had to list my loves, it would be my husband, my children, Diet Coke, chocolate, my siblings, my nieces and nephews, and my friends. I know, I’m awful. But I’ve had a relationship with Diet Coke longer than most people are married.
And then there is chocolate. As I am writing this, it is the week of Easter, which for me is a rather fun holiday because I still make Easter baskets for my family. I do this so I can spend all of Easter day eating the candy, mostly chocolate. Not this year. No, this year I couldn’t even bring myself to shop for candy, much less create baskets. My husband has to do it with me yapping at him not to buy the ‘cheap chocolate’ but to buy the ‘good chocolate’ even though not one bit of it will end up passing through my lips.
Then we move on to processed meats. When I start to complain about this, I find out that I might be the only person in the world who still eats bologna and mustard on Wonder Bread. Many people are repulsed to find out how much I enjoy the fine delicacy of Oscar Mayer packaged meat.
So, I know what you are thinking: first-world problems. You are absolutely right. I don’t expect anyone to feel sorry for me, especially if this relieves my migraines. Then I would be a total ass for complaining. But did I tell you I can’t have alcohol? There we go; maybe now you feel a little bad for me.
Contact Patty at phannum@townandstyle.com.