I miss my parents.
I know that is not the best way to start a humor column, but this is the first year neither of them has been alive for Mother’s or Father’s Day, so everything just feels a little off. Their passing has had a few unexpected effects on me. First, I now realize I am an adult. Yes, finally, at the age of 57, it’s official. Why? Because I can’t say ‘Let me check with Mom, she might know.’ She could remember whether I had the mumps, remind me of people’s birthdays and tell me when my voice got a little too loud.
The second odd thing is, I have started acting clingy with my siblings. Trust me when I say that is not something ANY of them wants. I drop by my brother Dennis’ office to say ‘hi,’ and I can tell he really just wants to get back to work, not chat with me. It is not enough to have lunch with Tim and John, I make them go see a movie, too. Michael has his daughters in town and I crash every function. And then there is my sister Teresa, who I suspect might be screening her phone calls. I need to come up with a scheme for getting them to interact with me without seeming so darn needy.
Of course, I already have an idea. Everyone in my family is funny and opinionated. (Although I am the funniest.) So, I thought it might be entertaining if I get them to share their advice with readers occasionally. I really miss my old Backtalk column, and this is a way to recapture some of that. I could call it, Yep, That’s My Sister! or Let’s Check with Mom! I could ask them something I might have asked my mom and then communicate their response. (We’ll have to start with my sister because my brothers think I’m nuts, and it might take me a while to convince them this is a good idea.) For example:
Q: My daughter is embarrassed by the way her father dresses. He wears lots of bright colors, all at the same time, none of which really go together. Should I step in? “Patty, pick your battles. Compared to your father, Carey could be in GQ. Remember Dad’s style of plaids, stripes, brown belt, topsiders, horn-rimmed glasses and hair slicked back with Brylcreem? Really, she has nothing to complain about. If she is truly bothered, she can always walk 10 paces ahead and no one will know they’re together.”
Q: Am I a bad mother because my kids won’t write a formal thank-you note for gifts they receive? “As mothers, we like to think buying monogrammed stationery for our kids beginning in grade school would be the subtle hint they need to write those notes. And then we find boxes of them stuffed in drawers and closets, and we realize Grandma never got the note. You can only do so much, and I was more concerned about them putting the toilet seat down. You might be a bad mother, but not for this. Are we finished? I was enjoying my book.”
My scheme worked. My sister spent 30 minutes with me, giving me the above ‘advice from Mom.’ I really could have come up with it myself, but her involvement made me feel a little less parent-less, and I don’t think my sister noticed the clinginess. As much.
Contact Patty at phannum@townandstyle.com.