“It’s never too late to date.” That’s the hopeful message of a 2015 documentary, The Age of Love, which looks at speed dating for a group of seniors in their 70’s, 80’s and 90’s. The film has inspired conversations worldwide about emotional need and growth in later life. The director, Steven Loring—a screen writer who recently returned to film school—said he was inspired to make the movie after his 78-year-old uncle embarked on a first relationship.
“He met an 80-year-old woman and they became like teenagers again,” Loring says. The love affair was everything it would have been had they been young people. At the same time, Loring’s father had recently died and his mother was alone for the first time. “With both these things swirling in my head, I wanted to find a way into the topic that would open eyes,” he says. “Speed-dating seemed like an engaging hook.” The film, set in Rochester, New York, is really Loring’s meditation on what our hearts desire when we are older. But he says those wants and needs are just what they would be at any age. “It’s like you’re walking into a high school prom,” he says of a speed-dating event. “There is an atmosphere of excitement and hopefulness.”
The events themselves are organized in a way that gives an equal number of men and women the chance to meet a potential date through lightening-speed, one-on-one conversations. However, the success of the events, Loring says, hasn’t been measured by the dates that follow, but by the empowerment that comes from interaction. Men, in particular, he says, tend to be less socialized than women, less versed in supportive, emotional conversations. “But people go back out into the world stronger, and with a feeling of confidence,” he says.”
The St. Louis Jewish Community Center (JCC) held a screening of Loring’s film in September and planned to host a speed-dating event shortly afterward. But, says the JCC’s Zelda Sparks, director of Cultural Arts, there was a disproportionate number of women to men (30 to 2), so the event was canceled.
“We contacted local senior living communities and hoped for an equal number,” Sparks says. “But not only do women tend to live longer than men, but they might also tend to take more chances.” Sparks says the JCC hopes to expand its reach beyond the immediate region and plan another speeddating event for people aged 65 to 90 in the coming year.
Loring says his No. 1 goal in making the documentary was to find out what’s in people’s hearts. Although we tend to imagine that love is different for older adults than it is for younger people, it is actually the same, he says. “No matter what age, finding true love is finding someone to see you and understand you. That way, you aren’t alone in the world. It’s the defeat of isolation that is so vital.”
Among other places, the documentary has been shown in Israel, Denmark, Sweden and Australia. Loring says he is hoping to show the film on PBS at some point down the road.
Pictured: Scene from The Age of Love