I have planned a weekend getaway with four friends. One friend is on a tighter budget than the rest of us. I’m feeling guilty for suggesting paid outings and nicer restaurants. I’m ready for a splurge, but I also want to be sensitive to my friend’s budget constraints. Help!
Beth: If you are ready for a splurge, how about offering to buy dinner for the entire group? This would allow you to travel at the level you desire — even if only for an evening. This act of generosity must come from the heart with no strings attached. No “you can get lunch tomorrow” sort of exchange, which would only create more pressure for your friend. Consider an evening out that will bring you joy to plan and hopefully provide great memories for the group.
Jill: I love Beth’s suggestion of you picking up the tab (either for your friend or the whole group). I’d also suggest making a group decision about the rest of the meals/outings. I think the more honest everyone is before the trip about preferences, the more enjoyable the weekend will be.
My spouse is always on his phone. I think it’s getting in the way of important family time and one-on-one time with me. When I complain, I’m met with resistance because of his demanding job and work responsibilities. How can I help us find a balance?
Jill: Research shows the ‘always on’ mentality has consequences for people like your spouse—in the form of stress-related illness and burnout. I see it firsthand in my coaching practice all of the time. See if your partner would be open to a small change at first, such as 30-minute segments of phone-free family time. It might be uncomfortable initially, like working out a new muscle. But, he may soon see the world doesn’t end when he unplugs for a little while.
Beth: The Silicon Valley titans who brought us all of this tech know that it’s smart to put down their smartphones. Maybe we’d all be wise to follow suit.
Unless your spouse is in the midst of saving lives, working with clients around the globe or closing a major deal, it is perfectly reasonable to draw boundaries around your personal and family time in order for everyone to be fully present. Far too often, we simply don’t want to unplug from our phones and use ‘work’ as an excuse. I’m guilty of this myself.
Jill Farmer is a master certified life coach, author and time management aficionado.
Beth Chesterton is a master certified executive coach and an expert in organizational development.
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