One of my colleagues has this knack for getting the attention of our firm’s executives at morning staff meetings, following up with clever tweets in the afternoon, and then gliding effortlessly through client dinners, never at a loss for words and perfectly dressed for any occasion. Any idea what her secret is?
—Need Help Building My Personal and Online Presence
A: Sounds like you’ve found a role model who has that magical mix of confidence, charm and communications skills. Spending time with this kind of personality can only benefit your own efforts to help build presence, and possibly help you find a signature voice that is an authentic representation of yourself. According to a number of executive coaches, there are myriad ways to build a personal presence, but it pretty much boils down to three things: how you behave, how you speak, and how you look. The behavior part–particularly the ability to exhibit confidence and stay calm in a stressful situation, as well having the gravitas to be decisive when faced with hard choices– is paramount. Your communications skills in articulating your perspective/opinion in an effective way are also at the top of the list. And, whether we like it or not — our appearance provides an important first impression. It is an initial filter through which many people subconsciously judge us.
A first step in finding one’s personal presence requires an honest self-assessment of strengths and weaknesses. Solicit input from your spouse, boss or co-workers—one of whom might be willing to help coach you. In the meantime: Practice using the lowest register of your speaking voice along with good eye contact to enhance your effectiveness when expressing yourself at meetings. Consider using bullet points instead of a script. Before a client dinner, think of some conversational topics for likely guests and prepare some disarming remarks for those annoying people you might run into during the evening. Most important, don’t try to be someone you aren’t. At the office, look polished and wear clothing that reflects appropriateness for your role and responsibilities. After hours, wear a signature style that is in keeping with the occasion. If need be, find a personal stylist at one of the department stores to help with your wardrobe.
Social media presence has its own set of issues and can provide a false sense of confidence; it requires good judgment and restraint. Keep in mind, your online audience/presence is much bigger than any real-life conversation. There are numerous social media courses available at area community colleges and universities to assist in developing an online presence and understanding its positive and negative sides. Do find a way to talk about yourself artfully and gracefully in real life and online. (Check out Brag! The Art of Tooting your Own Horn Without Blowing It by Peggy Klaus).
[If you have a question for Joan, send it to business@townandstyle.com. Joan Lee Berkman is a marketing and public relations consultant.]