I am a middle-aged woman and I want to make new friends. I have plenty of old friends, but sometimes I find them a little boring and think it would be fun to meet some new people. I just don’t know how to do it. Suggestions?
—Silver & Gold
[Patty]
I am holding back all my snarky comments like, “Are you sure you aren’t the boring one?”, “What are we, match.com for friends?” and “Isn’t this a skill set you learned in pre-K?” Then I realized that four short years ago I made a New Year’s Resolution to make new friends, so I would just be mocking myself. Raschelle is a new friend. We didn’t know each other four years ago until a mutual friend introduced us and I made a snotty comment and Raschelle was not insulted. That’s how you make a new friend. No actually, it requires a little more effort than that. Start slow, suggest coffee, then lunch and the next thing you know you will be doing vodka shots. Right, Raschelle?
[Raschelle]
Well actually, why go slow? I say jump right in. Kids don’t wait and have coffee and take it slow (that’s for dating, FYI). Plus, the true story of how Patty and I became friends is this: We were at a cocktail hour and there were several sets of sisters in attendance and Patty leaned over and said, “Let’s tell them all we are sisters!” We did, and we laughed every time. It just never got old. Look, kids meet, say, ‘Wanna be friends?’ and either agree to the friendship or not. No trial period. Remember, friends are God’s way of apologizing for our families. So, why wait?
I dread the holiday season for one reason: my husband’s family. They use it as a time to air past grievances and dirty laundry. I just want a peaceful dinner with no drama. How can I get them to put the past behind them and move forward?
—No Drama for this Mama
[Patty]
Oh, you want the Hallmark version of the holidays and your husband’s family wants the The Real Housewives of St. Louis version? First, repeat after me, “I can’t fix crazy.” And then, “I can put up with anything for one evening.” Repeat those over and over again until the holiday season is complete. Your husband’s family likes their dynamic. If they didn’t they would have changed. You can’t fix it so don’t bother trying.
[Raschelle]
You know whose crazy you can fix? Yours! That’s right. Everyone knows that the definition of crazy is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Are you with me yet? You see, I think you going to the holiday celebrations over and over and expecting something different is the real crazy in this drama. So here’s a little wisdom: quit expecting anything other than what it’s going to be. Give up wanting a peaceful dinner. Give up going for peace. Remember in that amazing movie, Elf, when Buddy says, “I just like to smile, smiling’s my favorite.” Yeah, just do that.
[Patty Hannum is always looking for new friends but prefers skipping the coffee and lunch and moving directly to the vodka. Raschelle Burton loves buddy.]
Photo: Colin Miller of Strauss Peyton