Q| I have never come up with a good way to leave a party. It seems the process of saying goodbye often takes longer than the time I spend at the party. Suggestions?
—Hard to Say Goodbye
Patty | There is a current trend called ghosting, where you merely slip out of a party unnoticed with no goodbyes just to prevent what you’re encountering, the long slog to finally make it out the door when you are ready to go home. I don’t suggest it because you are apt to get a phone call from the host the next day wondering if you fell sick since you didn’t say goodbye. (OK, I admit it: I do that to people who ‘ghost’ me!). My suggestion is to put your coat on, take your keys out, walk over to the host and say you need to get going. When you are all bundled up there is less chance of someone suggesting you stay for just one more drink.
Raschelle | I admit that I am a ghoster. BTW, Patty, it is also called the Irish Goodbye. And while I can see how it could be perceived as rude or hurtful, it really is the responsible, I daresay humanitarian, thing to do. You save your host a lot of time and effort that is probably better spent on entertaining the other guests, and you save yourself from forced conversation and fake smiles. Better to put your energy into your arrival and the time you are there, then once you are ready to go, grab your coat and ‘slip out the back, Jack.’ PS: This is also an amazing, albeit controversial, way to break up with someone—but, that is for another column on another day.
Q| Every time I make plans with one of my friends, she brings another person, usually someone I barely know. I just keep my annoyance to myself. But, to be honest, I am perplexed and irritated. Why can’t she just stick with the original plans?
— Flummoxed by the Plus 1
Patty | Your friend is an adder. She can’t be happy with the group she is going out with and always needs to add one more person to the mix to make sure the evening is going to be fun. First, this has nothing to do with you and your friendship—some people are always looking for a way to mix things up. Since it bothers you, tell your friend the next time you make plans that you would prefer no last-minute additions.
Raschelle | Before you say anything to your ‘friend,’ be sure you can deal with the fall out, which might just come back around to bite you. Maybe your friend is needy, and no matter how she feels about you, the friendship with you can never satiate her, so she adds to the mix to feel secure and perhaps a little more in charge. On the other hand, maybe you are dull and she needs to add some sparkle to the event to get through it. I wouldn’t say a word to her, because you can’t change another person. You can change yourself though, so here’s what I say: quit inviting her, stop including her so much, look inside to see why you’re so compelled to pursue a friendship that bothers you. And when you do include her, be sure to make your reservations equal x+1.
Q| Can you give me some good ideas for hostess gifts?
—Gift Giver
Patty | There is only one hostess gift I want, and that’s a bottle of Jameson. Leave the flowers at home. Since not everyone has the advantage of publishing a list of what they want, let me suggest that instead of a hostess gift, you follow up the next day or week with a really nice handwritten thank you note. I have a friend who always sends them, and I must say they put a smile on my face—maybe even more than a bottle of Jameson would … but not much.
Raschelle | Booze in jugs, candles, picture frames, hand lotion, spa days, earrings, bracelets, books, artful journals, hand-crafted beer, small-batch bourbon, medicinal marijuana, bubbles for the bath, fruit baskets, coasters, earth-friendly room spritzers, winter-inspired hand soaps, elaborately decorated hairpins, homemade all-natural soda, gluten-free candies … oh, you didn’t want an actual list? OK … here’s what I got: if you are invited to come to my house, please only bring one thing—yourself, as you are.
» Patty Hannum loves a long, drawn-out good bye—not.
» Raschelle Burton is half Irish and apparently half jerk!