Valentine’s Day is fast approaching and it is yet another year where I don’t
have anyone special. How can I get through this day without feeling like a
loser at love?
—Missed Cupid’s Arrow
Patty: First thing you should do is cancel work, take to your bed, lie in the fetal position and watch your worn-out DVD of the very realistic movie, Pretty Woman. Kidding! Valentine’s Day is the most pressure-filled holiday for those with a significant other and those without. No one seems to get it right, or, in Human Resource speak, no one ever “exceeds expectations.” So, this Valentine’s Day, get yourself a bottle of Bailey’s Irish Cream and, after dinner, toast the end of this holiday and get ready for the best holiday of the year, St. Patrick’s Day. On that holiday, no one is a loser because everyone is Irish, even just for a day!
Raschelle: Ah, love … wait what are we talking about? Oh right, that day. Well, yes, it can be rough for some people. But you know what? House of Cards, season two, starts Feb. 14 and honestly, there’s no better way to spend your time. I mean seriously, wouldn’t you rather binge-watch a story about a sociopathic politician and his beautiful, ambitious-yet-co-dependent wife cut a swath of destruction through the nation’s capital? It will cure you of your wayward longing for true love, that’s for sure. Plus, you get to look at that unconventionally handsome Kevin Spacey and commune with the darker side of your personality. There, that’s how you survive this silly day. Oh, and if you want, toss in a heart-shaped box of truffles; sometimes that helps.
My 16-year-old son has his first serious girlfriend, and he wants to spend nearly all the money he earned this summer on a designer purse she told him she wanted for Valentine’s Day. How do I convince him this is a crazy idea? I don’t want him to be broke and heartbroken if this relationship ends.
—Worried Mom
Patty: There are several ways I want to answer this question. First, I would like to request a one-on-one meeting with your son to explain the importance of saving versus spending. Then I would like to explain that this month’s ‘must have’ handbag is on next month’s sales rack. And finally, I would like to talk about the importance of gifts from the heart instead of gifts that are expensive (though I myself prefer the expensive ones). But, none of that will work. You need to butt out. If it is his money and he wants to spend it on a gift for his girlfriend, he gets to. The last thing you want to be is the mother that becomes the third person in your son’s relationship. In fact, the more you tell your son what a bad idea this is, the better it will look to him.
Raschelle: Yikes, I’m at a bit of a loss here (it happens!). I am going to agree with Patty. First, all relationships end, eventually. Think about it, you break up or someone dies, the end. And part of growing up and learning about relationships is suffering the heartbreak and experiencing the joy that comes from them. You have to butt out, as Patty says. You have to stand on the sidelines and watch him make mistakes, forever. He can’t learn to be resilient or resourceful without practice. On the other hand, I hear ya—if you can’t stay out of his life, then you definitely should pick up the phone and totally humiliate him by calling the girl’s parents and getting them involved (as a mother of girls I wouldn’t want them getting an expensive gift at this stage of life). Plus, you can practice for your future role as meddling mother-in-law.
By Raschelle Burton & Patty Hannum
Photo by Colin Miller of Strauss Peyton
Pictured: Raschelle Burton & Patty Hannum
[Patty Hannum doesn’t hate Valentine’s Day as much as she hates Halloween, but it’s a close call. Raschelle Burton is hoping that this year she does not crack a tooth on a piece of Brach’s Conversation Heart candy.]