Q| My brother-in-law recently became an insurance agent and wants to talk to me about my insurance needs. I don’t want to switch agents and have always kept my finances private. How can I tell him without hurting his feelings?
—Pushing Salesmen
Patty | If your brother-in-law is an insurance agent, he has likely gone through sales training with his firm, and they have coached him on how to handle rejection, so don’t feel bad when you tell him, “No thanks, I don’t want to mix family and finances.” He will understand. That said, I would like you to reconsider. There is no harder job, besides maybe teaching, than direct sales, and if you can’t count on your family to throw you a few bones when you get started, who can you count on? Really, would it kill you to move your car insurance to the guy?
Raschelle | I used to have some brothers-in-law, but not anymore; this is a great reminder to keep it that way. I only wish all my former BILs would have wanted to sell me insurance instead of, you know, borrowing my car, parking it illegally somewhere in Baltimore, and then saying it was stolen. yeah, that happened and I didn’t even tell you how it ended, but rest assured, it involved me and money. Annnnnyyyywhooo, I have to agree with Patty and say, just let the guy sell you some insurance already.
Q| My family is not perfect, and I have a friend who makes sure I know it. Yes, my kids have had a few stumbles along the way, but how can I respond when she smugly inquires, How is little Betsy doing? I know she really just wants some dirt.
—Leave My Kids Alone
Patty | Answer honestly and then deflect. “Betsy is doing as well as can be expected, but let me tell you I have been really having some major digestive issues lately.” Any further questioning about Betsy should be met with more information about your GI maladies. You don’t ever have to answer questions you don’t want to. That’s the rule.
Raschelle | If you know that she’s digging for dirt, and you know that she likes to use this dirt against you, then I would recommend not giving her the dirt. It’s not hard. It seems like a word problem from eighth grade alegbra, but it isn’t. Just say, “Betsy is great. How are you?” Do that enough and she will definitely leave your kids alone.
Q| My friend bites her nails. It’s gross. How can I help her stop this nasty habit?
—Nail Nibbler
Patty | You can’t, because it is her habit to stop. Just like you can’t get your other friend to stop smoking. As a reformed nail biter, it is very hard to stop nibbling on your fingers. I finally was successful with hypnosis, but I think the more important issue here is why are you focusing on your friend’s bad habits instead of what makes her amazing?
Raschelle | This column is downright vile today, what with all the GI calamity and nail biting commentary. Blech! I’ll tell you this: for the first time since Patty and I started this column, I have nothing to add. You are right: nail biting is gross. Patty is right: you can’t stop your friend from doing it. So why don’t we all just act like none of this ever happened and go enjoy a great glass of wine and some actual food? Yes, that’s what we should do.
» Raschelle Burton has never been hungry enough to eat her nails and hopes she never is.
» Patty Hannum is concerned about how agreeable Raschelle and she are this month and wonders if they have lost their edge.