Q| A very dear friend is moving away, and I’m feeling devastated. I am going to miss her, of course, but I hope our friendship endures. Do you think we can maintain our friendship when it becomes long distance?
—Pen Pals For Life
Patty | Yes, but you are going to have to make an effort. Let me give you an example. My husband’s best friends are all from college and live in different states. They are not the types to text, Snapchat or even talk on the phone, but each year they manage to find a way to get together for three or four days and act like they did when they were in college. I suggest you and your friend agree that regardless of what you have going on, you will meet on an annual basis just to have fun. If you manage to communicate lots in between, consider it a bonus.
Raschelle | I couldn’t agree with Patty more on this one. Long distance friendships—unlike long distance romantic relationships—can be done. We have at our disposal airplanes, cars and trains, and we have phones that have been updated to the point where one is literally somewhere on our bodies most of the time. (Remember when there was one phone in the house, usually attached to the wall in the kitchen?) We also have Facebook (for the older folks here), Twitter and Snapchat (for the more hip among us), and we have Skype and FaceTime (modern-day TV phones right out of the Jetsons). What I’m saying is we have all the tools to keep our friendships alive and friends in our lives no matter where we live. So cry because your friend is leaving, but cheer up because no matter how far away she is going, she’s literally an Instagram away.
Q| My wife’s best friend wants us all to go on vacation together this summer, where we’re basically living under one roof, eating communal meals and getting to know each other in ways that I mostly find appalling. It’s not that I don’t enjoy these friends, but I haven’t wanted to ‘go in on’ a shared rental at the beach since sometime in the 1990s. How can I stop this travesty before it becomes reality?
—Life’s a Beach
Patty | What is wrong with you? Go on vacation with people you like. I am 56 years old and still vacation with my friends from college. All of us know there will be times when not everyone is going to be up for doing everything together, so as long as that is understood, go enjoy yourself. Lighten up. Treasure the fact that you have friends who actually want to be with you. If you can’t wrap your mind around that, then stay at home and encourage your wife to go without you.
Raschelle | Yes, life is indeed a beach. I guess I would have to harken back to some advice I gave last month and say this is a good problem to have. I mean, you are basically complaining about how to vacation. Unlike last month, I won’t lecture you on the importance of gratitude (you can look it up if you are so inclined). Instead, I will simply remind you that life is short, and your friends and family are everything! So go on the trip, listen to Pearl Jam, wear flannel, enjoy your people. Hey, the 1990s were pretty good, if I recall correctly.
» Patty Hannum is beyond sad that her writing partner and dear friend is moving to the East Coast but promises to visit at least on an annual basis.
» With the very last edition of BackTalk, Raschelle Burton wants to thank the readers and remind them that some advice is not worth taking. So long, St. Louis!