One 0f my closest friends from childhood has asked me to be her maid of honor. The problem is, I do not at all like the man she is marrying. He’s controlling and immature (at the age of 30, he still loves video games and Disney). Do I have to say yes to her?
—Maid of Horror
[patty]
As most of my friends and family know, I LOVE weddings. I’ve been a bridesmaid a number of times and still, at the age of 55, want to be a senior bridesmaid. Even though I volunteer each time a niece or nephew gets married, sometimes even offering money, so far I have no takers. You have been friends since childhood. So of course you have to be in the wedding. And you have to do it with a smile on your face and love in your heart. You already have invested 20 or more years into this friendship—why would you throw it away on a marriage that may or may not make it? And just as there are no ugly babies, there are no ugly bridesmaid dresses … and I am a big, fat liar.
[raschelle]
Tell her you’d be delighted as long as the bridesmaids get to dress as Minnie Mouse. I feel like she’ll understand. But if you can’t pull off that high-level snark, then just say no. You do not have to serve your friend this way. Just explain that you cannot possibly be the maid of honor she deserves with everything on your plate. She’ll never forgive you and you might not get invited to the wedding, but that just might be the best outcome of all.
I am in my 50s and have lost most of my hair. My friends and family still love me, of course, but I have to attend a reunion soon and am worried. Should I get something to cover my head?
—Bald but not beautiful
[patty]
Let me point out that this is another advantage I had by attending an all-girl high school. All of us aged just about the same, and the ones who look better get talked about. Kidding, not kidding. I am not sure exactly what you plan on putting on top of your head, but I beg of you not to take the route of John Travolta. Every time I see him, I wonder who suggested the clay that has been molded on his head. Here’s the deal: The guys at the reunion won’t care, and the women at the reunion only care about how they look. Bald might not be beautiful to you, but you are the only one looking.
[raschelle]
No way! Bald is badass. Haven’t you seen a newsstand lately? Everyone is bald; even young men are opting for the look. I say buzz off whatever hair you’ve got left, grow some scruffy facial hair and embrace your inner Michael Jordan. Rugs are for floors.
» Patty Hannum graduated from Nerinx Hall in 1978 and is happy to report that all of her classmates look just like they did in their senior pictures.
» Raschelle Burton is always the bride, never the bridesmaid.