I saw my friend’s teenager smoking. Should I say something?
—Lighting up
[patty]
Keep your mouth shut. Now, before I start hearing from everyone about the evils of smoking, I would like a show of hands from anyone who did not smoke at least one cigarette as a teenager. OK, those who did not raise their hands clearly lived in some sort of a bubble or iron lung. Parents will know if their child is a smoker. All any mom or dad needs to do is take a good whiff of their clothing to determine if and what they have been smoking. They don’t need you to tell them.
[raschelle]
I will raise my hand high, Patty. I have never smoked a cigarette ever in my life, which has not been spent in an iron lung. Yes, I chewed tobacco on a dare in the eighth grade, but that’s a different story for a different time. And trust me, I learned a lesson there. Ordinarily I am all for it taking a village to raise a kid, but not in this case. You don’t have enough information to do anything. I agree with Patty, despite her disparaging remarks about life in a bubble. I encourage you to think through the next couple of steps here. OK, you tell the parents, then what—you feel better? What if your friend says, “Yes, I know. It’s helping him kick his heroin habit.” Then what? You end up looking ridiculous. I’d skip telling; you simply don’t know what they know.
After many years, my friend is back out there dating. The problem is, she has not updated her wardrobe or her hairstyle in 30 years. How can I suggest a makeover?
—What Not To Wear
[patty]
You can’t suggest anything—unless, of course, you can get her on the TLC show What Not to Wear, but I heard that’s going off the air. I consider myself a direct person. Some might say I am blunt. But even I draw the line at commenting on what my friends are wearing, either on their bodies or their heads. (Although I have been known to raise an eyebrow at some of the more outrageous ensembles, however with the amount of Botox in my forehead, even that’s hard to do now.) I just have to believe that if I’m friends with someone, there is a man out there who will see past the unattractive clothing and permed hair. Yes, I am married, so I have no idea what the dating world is really like. So Raschelle, what do you think?
[raschelle]
Oh blech, dating; it is just as awful as you think it is. I only do it so I can have material for this column and for girls’ nights (yes fellas, I do kiss and tell—and sorry, I’m not sorry). Now that that’s off my chest, I do think you have to help her—that’s what friends are for. But I wouldn’t make it about ‘getting a man’ or how she looks. I would make it more about taking care of herself during this new phase of life. You know, suggesting she update her wardrobe because she deserves it, or getting a new hairstyle to match her new carefree life. And go with her and maybe update your own look; like Gandhi, I say, Be the change you want to see.
By Raschelle Burton & Patty Hannum
[Patty Hannum does admit to inhaling and only hopes her mom is not reading this column or she will be permanently grounded. If it’s true that Raschelle Burton has never smoked a cigarette (and yes, it is true), then does it mean she’s never inhaled?]