My second-grader said she wanted to play soccer but now doesn’t want to go to the practices. Should I let her quit the team or insist she try it?
— Giving Up
Patty | Second-grade soccer really isn’t soccer. It’s a bunch of little kids running around a field after a ball while parents stand on the sidelines and gab. It all ends with a nice snack and hopefully a play date for the rest of the afternoon. At that age, even if your child is not athletic, it doesn’t matter; it is just the experience of being on a team. I would insist on a few practices and a game or two, especially if there aren’t that many kids on the team. Sometimes kids need to be ‘forced’ to try new things to find out what they actually do like.
Raschelle | I couldn’t disagree more. I’m a big believer in quitting, only I call it cutting your losses. Sometimes we just know when we’ve made a bad choice, and kids tend to know what they like and don’t like—and say so clearly and quickly. Soccer is truly optional in life (sorry, soccer fans). One of the best lessons we can teach our kids is how to let go. Remember that great saying: Let go or be dragged.
I am on the shy side, and so are my kids, so it has been hard for us to get involved in their school community. Do you have any suggestions on how we can become more ‘included’?
— Blushing
Patty | I have one suggestion: volunteer. Schools never have enough parents to help with projects, committees or campaigns. Sometimes it’s easier getting to know a few parents at a time than an entire class. Or tell your child’s room parent you’re available for certain activities. As a former room parent, I know that will be music to their ears.
Raschelle | Write a check … no wait, that’s not right. That’s just my automatic response to the word ‘volunteer.’ If volunteering is not your thing, find something more in line with who you are. When I first moved to St. Louis, I struggled to make friends and be included, too. I just went about my life doing things I liked, and one day I met Patty. The one thing I would say is stop labeling yourself as shy and push yourself a little— sometimes you have to be inclusive to be included.
I have to travel for business and will miss my twins’ first day of school for the first time. They’re in the eighth grade and I am not feeling at all guilty about it, But my mother and several friends have tak en to shaming me. Should I be feeling more guilty?
— Sorry I’m not Sorry
Patty | No, don’t feel any guilt. If your daughters are in eighth grade, all you would do anyway is drop them off in front of the school. You have plenty of ways to hear all about the first few days of school, assuming they give you anything more than one-word answers.
Raschelle | No, you shouldn’t feel guilty unless you feel guilty. You know, feel your feelings and all that. But why would you feel guilty? For the love of all that is sacred, they’re in eighth grade! They barely want you around in public anyway, unless it’s to pay for something. I say go on your trip and have your mother or one of the friends who are hell-bent on shaming you do the drop off!
» Patty Hannum will not be volunteering AT her kids’ schools for the first time in 22 years since her daughter leaves for college in September.
» Raschelle Burton likely will continue to miss important school milestones until 2020, when her daughters head off to college.