What can we do to recognize mothers this year? I propose that the best way to celebrate the annual holiday is by honoring moms of every type and stripe.
Think how much the face of motherhood has changed in a generation or two. Even though June Cleaver was an idealized version of the ’50s mom, women today don’t fall into just one mold.
For one thing, many women now don’t even become moms—or wives, virtually unheard of (or acceptable) in the mid-20th century. Today, there are around 10 million single mothers in the U.S., and one in two children will live in a single-parent household at some point in their lives.
And June’s elegant dress and pearls notwithstanding, most of today’s moms probably walk around in yoga pants when they’re home—which, according to statistics, isn’t all that often. More than 60 percent of moms work out of the home. Interestingly, public opinion polls show that 42 percent of Americans think a mother should not work at all, and 40 percent believe a mother should work only part time.
In general, moms today are older, too, which has its pros and cons. Maturity can bring with it more patience and appreciation for little ones, but also more exhaustion and stress. The average age of women giving birth for the first time today is about 25 years, with around 14 percent of new moms age 35 or older—some quite a bit older, thanks to modern medicine. Then there are gay moms, with an estimated 1.5 to 5 million gay women in the U.S. raising kids either alone or with a partner.
All these women have the most important job in the world, and one of the hardest. Just recognizing that is honoring them and their contributions to the future. I read an interesting statistic: Since 1972, women’s overall level of happiness has dropped. This drop has occurred regardless of the following factors: having kids or the number of kids, income, marital status, or job/profession. Additionally, women’s unhappiness peaks at around 40, when the stresses of raising teens, paying for college and juggling it all are at their peak.
Could this malaise also be a result of all the pressures on women to ‘do it all’—to be perfect wives, mothers and friends and have perfect careers, bodies and faces? Mother’s Day is a good time to reflect on what women experience in raising their offspring: long days at work or attending the household; long evenings of laundry, cooking and homework help; long years of doing without so their children won’t have to. Every mother strives to do the best she can with the resources and knowledge she has at the time. Single or married, gay or straight, young or old, they deserve to be recognized simply for the challenges they have taken on as moms.
[Tim Jordan, M.D., is a Behavioral Pediatrician who specializes in counseling girls ages 6 through college. For more information, visit drtimjordan.com.]