Site icon Town&Style

Patty Unleashed: 2.23.22

When I first started writing this column, it was important I got all my facts straight. I would double check spelling, dates, locations, quotations—everything! Then I started noticing columns like mine (i.e. opinion pieces) published in major newspapers don’t really check the facts. Oh, their reporters do, but many of their very handsomely paid columnists have gotten a little lazy. So, even though I am not handsomely paid, I thought in this column I would pontificate on things I know nothing about. Up first is Tom Brady.

Everyone knows Tom Brady. The guy is my age (not true) and has been playing football for more than 20 years. He recently announced his plans to retire to Miami with his supermodel wife, Gisele Bundchen who has legs which are at least 50 inches long (not true). I want Tom to sign one-year endorsement deals with McDonalds, Pepsi, Blue Bell Ice Cream, Pabst Brewing Company, Sansabelt Trousers and the Professional Bowlers Association. Yes, I want Tom to go completely rogue for an entire year and stop with his diet of food avoidance. (I think he avoids nightshade foods. I am not sure what those are, and since this is a no facts column, I don’t have to find out!) Then, once Tom starts looking like most guys, BAM! It is time for new endorsement deals. This is where I should list healthy food companies and fitness places, but I am staring at a box of Cheez-Its and drinking a Diet Coke, so I will let you fill in the blanks. I know the guy already has more money than he needs, but think of the viral videos. Tom eats his first Big Mac. Tom plays beer pong. Tom makes bowling cool again. I have no way of contacting Tom and his 10% body fat (OK, the guy is lean!) so if anyone knows him, please send him this column.

Not everyone knows Neil Young. His music is that of my youth, and it is impossible for me to hear “Old Man” without singing along and getting a little teary. But this older rock-n-roll icon has pulled his music from Spotify in protest of Joe Rogan’s podcast, which the streaming service hosts. Young is a polio survivor and does not approve of Rogan’s anti-vaccine chatter. Unfortunately, even though several other old rock-n-rollers followed him by yanking their music, Spotify does not seem to care. Joe Rogan is a money maker, and well, there is that whole First Amendment thing. My knowledge of Rogan is from his time hosting Fear Factor where he could convince contestants to put their heads into a tub full of snakes to win $250. So, thank you Neil Young for being you and standing up for your beliefs. Spotify is a public traded company, so if shareholders disagree with their strategies, they can sell the stock or subscribers can cancel.

Prison Counts is a podcast you can find on Apple and Amazon from Ryan Ferguson, a man wrongfully imprisoned for murder, and Dave Dowling, who did a 15-year stint for armed robbery. Each week, they feature someone caught up in the criminal justice system. It is fascinating and so different from anything else out there. Listen to it!

Feel free to fact check me! Peace my Peeps!

Skip to toolbar