Every time I read about a celebrity in the news for some kind of mischief, I see it as both a tragedy and an opportunity. Justin Bieber is the latest headliner, after being arrested for drunken driving, resisting arrest and driving without a valid license, while also admitting to smoking weed. He’s obviously not the first 19-year-old boy to do something impulsive and stupid, just one of the most famous ones.
Notice I said boy, not man. We sometimes forget that the brains of young men don’t fully form until their early to mid-20s, leaving them vulnerable to not thinking before they act. Add in too much fame and money, too early (and probably a lack of consistent parental guidance), and this is what results.
If you are worried about the effect Bieber’s story will have on your children, let me offer some reassurance and food for thought. There are many things parents do each day that are more damaging than anything Bieber can inflict.
First, we need to curb our cultural preoccupation with fame and celebrity. Stop watching TV shows that glamorize stupid behavior, especially reality shows that bequeath celebrity status to people because of … nothing! These give kids the idea that what’s important is to get attention any way you can. They set the harmful precedent that being rich and famous is what makes people happy, and if fame comes via getting in trouble, so be it.
We also need to stop pushing kids to grow up before they are ready emotionally and psychologically. I cringe when I see photos of kids as young as 5 going to concerts of teen stars. Parents unknowingly set these folks up as role models for their children and condition them to value externals like appearance, celebrity and money.
Too many parents are not monitoring kids in elementary and middle school who use social networking sites like Instagram and Facebook. I don’t think kids at these ages have the maturity, perspective, impulse control or wisdom to handle the images and information that pours from these sites. They get overwhelmed, and have a hard time understanding what is real versus fantasy.
We have a responsibility to direct our children to role models who embody something deeper and more valuable than celebrity status. We need to watch TV shows and movies with our kids, and use them to start conversations about integrity, right and wrong, perspective and values. Use Justin Bieber’s story to ask questions about what your kids think about his actions so that you can get into their heads and see how they are seeing the world. Don’t judge; listen and learn. Add your perspective when they are open to it, and help them see things in a different way.
Turn off the boob tube and other gadgets and go outside and play. Eat dinner together without cell phones and TV’s on. Play board games and read books together. And most important, model, model, model! Kids always mirror the adult world around them, so make sure you are living out what you want them to learn and emulate.
By Dr. Tim Jordan
Tim Jordan, M.D. is a Behavioral Pediatrician who specializes in counseling girls ages 6 through college. For more information, go to drtimjordan.com.