There is something really special about receiving a handwritten note from someone you love. I experienced the power of this firsthand recently at a father daughter retreat in Colorado. We had the father-daughter pairs write letters to each other, and on the last night we sat around a campfire, with mountains on the horizon and stars twinkling above. The dads read their letters to their middle school daughter; then the girls read their own notes to their dads. There was not a dry eye in the house.
Many of the girls said that although they knew their dads loved them, they didn’t realize how much they were loved and how many qualities their dads appreciated in them. As for the dads, it was just a heartfelt affirmation of the special bond between fathers and daughters. Several dads shared how the unconditional love received from their girls was unlike any other they had experienced in their lives.
I encourage parents to create a ‘letter box’ for each of their children to keep important letters kids receive during their childhood. Proactively ask people in your child’s life, like grandparents, aunts and uncles to write them letters at significant times, i.e. 13th and 16th birthdays, high school and college graduations, the day of their marriage, when their first child is born, when they turn 21 or 40. The letter writers can relate stories about their own experiences at those times in their lives, and maybe give advice about what they learned to best traverse those ages.
When my kids were growing up, I kept a running journal for each of them. About once a year I’d take it with me on an out-of-town trip and write entries about each one during the plane ride. I’d journal about how I saw them at each age, the qualities I admired, things we were doing together, and my vision for them based on the character and interests they were exhibiting at that time. I haven’t given it to them yet, but I think it’s time.
One dad I know is writing a book for his children, outlining his history and what he’s learned in his life. He wants to pass on any wisdom he’s obtained and any significant experiences he’s had up until now. He has inspired me to do the same. So many parents never tell their children stories about their past, and in the process they lose a great way to connect and let kids know that they really can understand what they are going through.
One final thought. Despite the ease new technology and gadgets bring to writing, I recommend your notes be handwritten. Reading a letter in a loved-one’s handwriting feels more personal and special. It’s like they are still there with you, in person, when they’re far away or completely gone. Make letter writing a new tradition in your family.
By Dr. Tim Jordan
[Tim Jordan, m.d., is a behavioral pediatrician who counsels kids in grade school through high school. For more information, go to weloki.com]