The best gift your child can receive this holiday season is opportunity: to fail, to cooperate, and to slow down and do nothing. Forget the latest fads in clothes, toys and technology. Every child needs more opportunities for growth, grit, creativity and daydreaming.
“If you are not prepared to be wrong and make mistakes, you will never create anything original.” The quote is from Ken Robinson, British author, speaker and international adviser on arts education, who promotes failure as a means to learn. Allowing your children to get frustrated, make mistakes, fail, pick themselves up and keep going until they succeed is the best way to develop grit, one of the greatest predictors of success in college and beyond. Kids need to experience and overcome times of hardship and challenge in order to prove to themselves that they can do it. They also will learn how to handle the normal ups and downs of life and to cultivate self-efficacy and resilience. Haruki Murakami describes this process well: “When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That is what this storm is all about.”
Opportunities for cooperation are also high on my list of gifts for children. Research has shown there are many benefits of cooperative learning, including higher academic achievement and productivity, more caring and supportive relationships, greater social competence and self-esteem, and students who are more engaged in their learning. We seem to overvalue competition, perfection and being the best to the detriment of our children’s long-term mental health and success.
The final present is the chance to slow down and have quality downtime. Kids need a place where they can be by themselves and engaged in activities they choose. Psychologist Peter Gray’s research confirmed that it is during free play, i.e. self-directed play and exploration, that children realize their optimum abilities to learn, grow and develop naturally and positively. Downtime also allows for daydreaming, and studies have shown that people who report more frequent daydreaming score higher on intellectual and creative abilities. Research also reveals that our most creative thinking happens when we are relaxed and in reverie. Contemplative time allows for original thinking, a critical skill in today’s world.
So this holiday season, avoid malls and online shopping, and instead offer your children opportunities that will encourage personal growth, creative thinking, a resilient spirit and autonomous play.
Tim Jordan, M.D., is a behavioral pediatrician who specializes in counseling girls ages 6 through college. He recently launched an online video parents course, Taking Flight: Everyday Parenting Wisdom to Help Girls Soar. For more information, visit drtimjordan.com.
