I want us all to drop the one-size-fits-all standard about college and be open to kids finding their own path to success. Let me explain why.
When I asked Julia about her post-high school plans, she gave me a look of disbelief and responded, “College.” When I followed up by asking why she wanted to go to college, she couldn’t come up with a reason. I find most young adults I work with have never really thought about why they might want to attend college. Instead, they tend to focus on everyone else going or their parents’ expectations. Julia finally admitted that she really wanted to attend beautician school because she dreams of doing hair and makeup for celebrities. When Julia described doing her friends hair and makeup before prom and homecoming dances, her whole being lit up.
When I ask young adults and parents what percent of people in the U.S. over 25 have a four-year degree, they typically answer 70% to 80%. The truth is that only 30% to 37% of adults have earned a college degree. My point isn’t to discourage anyone from attending college; it is to encourage them to figure out their reasons to attend.
There are benefits to having a four-year degree. Generally, workers with higher levels of education earn more money and find employment more readily. But it’s also true that last year 41% of college grads in their 20s were underemployed. It’s also true that only 46% of college graduates are currently working in their field of study, and the high up-front cost of college can dig a hole that takes on average two decades to pay off. On the other hand, some studies have shown that people with college degrees make better decisions about health, marriage and parenting; have higher job satisfaction; and tend to live longer. So, how can we support our kids in deciding about college?
First, recognize there are lots of ways your kids can create a successful life. Let’s teach them that how you go to college is more important than if or where you go. Being fully engaged in your academics, taking risks, making different kinds of friends than high school, spending time on self-examination and personal growth can be accomplished at any university. And it can also be experienced outside of college as well. This same outlook also pertains to taking time off school. Gap years can be of great benefit to young adults.
Secondly, we need to do a better job of educating our children about choices. Have open discussions about what the return for attending college is supposed to be. Is it just about earning more money? Is the only purpose to get a job? Discuss the short and long-term costs of college versus vocational school, issues about loans and debt, and opportunities and salaries for different jobs.
If given the autonomy to choose their path, your kids will be more invested and reap more benefits from the experience. What every young adult needs is usable skills and personal growth, and college is hardly the only source for developing them. Support your kids in finding what fits their interests, passions and aptitude, and watch them soar.
Tim Jordan, M.D., is a behavioral pediatrician who works with girls in grade school through college. Check out his new online course, Parenting girls: The challenges girls face today with their feelings and friends and what they need, at drtimjordan.com.
