Paul Coelho, best-selling author of The Alchemist, was an aspiring writer in his youth, much to his parents’ chagrin. He grew up during a repressive dictatorship in Brazil, and his parents urged him to take the safe route by becoming an engineer. Bribes, threats and psychiatrists all failed to force Paul to give up his dream of being a writer. Consequently, his parents committed him to a mental institution because they feared he was crazy. Paul escaped and moved to America. I worry that many young adults today lack the grit to follow their dream when it goes against the grain.
I read about entrepreneur Brian Chesky in a People magazine article last year. His well-intentioned parents encouraged him to major in something that would get him a well paying job with health care benefits. But Brian, too, chose to follow his heart, which led him to study art at the Rhode Island School of Design. After graduation, he struggled to pay his rent in L.A. until fate intervened.
A conference sold out all the hotels in town, and Chesky had the idea of turning his apartment into a B&B. He and his roommate made $1,200 the first week, and a new business idea was born: booking homes the way one does hotel rooms. Everyone told them it was a bad idea, but Chesky was not deterred. He is now 34 years old and worth $3 billion. His website, Airbnb, connects 60 million global travelers with 2 million listings.
Chesky’s advice to young adults: “You just have to believe in yourself. If I didn’t, there wouldn’t be Airbnb.” But parents have the tendency to discourage their kids from careers in the arts, and even in education, because you can’t make a good living doing that. Chesky made his arts education work for him: “As an artist, you have to sell your work, you have to brand yourself. It was a boot camp for business,” he says. Many kids don’t want to displease their parents, so they give up on their dreams. A limitless future becomes limited, and they settle into a constricted life path.
A child’s dreams are shaped by many factors, including advice from adults, cultural conditioning, what is valued in society and peer pressure. I see kids starting early in life to follow a regimented, prescribed path laid out by their family and the education system, leaving little room for their own ideas and desires.
I encourage parents to embrace their children as they are, not as they wish them to be. Allow them to develop their own definition of what success means for them. Support them in finding their passions, and then, from the periphery, fan their flames. Following their heart and engaging in their own boundless dreams are what create a life of happiness and fulfillment—and isn’t that what all parents want for their children?
Tim Jordan, M.D., is a Behavioral Pediatrician who specializes in counseling girls ages 6 through college. For more information, visit drtimjordan.com.
