We hear a lot about ‘tween/teen girls being depressed, anxious, cutting themselves and suffering from eating disorders. It’s concerning for parents. We want to know what to do, how to help? The best thing we can do is understand what’s happening at this crucial ‘touchpoint,’ or developmental stage.
When anyone, children or adults, goes through a big leap in psychological/emotional development, there is a period just before and during the transition when they tend to fall apart and act out of sorts. Think kids at ages 2, 6, 12 and when they’re high school and college seniors. For adults it’s the months before you get married or have your first child, midlife crisis time, the empty nest onset and menopause. At these times, people are more stressed, crabby, restless and disjointed.
Adolescent girls experience a crucial transformation as they evolve from being a girl to a woman. This is the archetypal Heroine’s Journey, as in the original fairy tales where a girl, through overcoming challenges and hardships, becomes a loving, wise, powerful woman ready to rule her kingdom. But recall that this transformation also requires a period of darkness, reflection and solitude, all necessary before the heroine emerges with a raised level of consciousness and a higher sense of self.
All girls need time in their adolescent years to withdraw from the world in order to gather the strength, courage and wisdom to be able to overcome the challenges they will face as adult women. That is the Heroine’s Journey, and it’s what we see when our daughters close themselves off in their rooms or zone out listening to music on their ear buds.
Where we fall short as a culture is in not giving girls sufficient awareness of this process they are undergoing, or enough information, skills and guidance to successfully navigate through the challenges. Our culture tends to emphasize being busy, productive and accomplished, but not how to slow down, get quiet, and go inward to examine what they are feeling and needing, and what path is right for them.
Crucial elements of the Heroine’s Journey that every girl experiences include: going through a metaphorical sleeping period, transforming from the inside-out, getting support from mentors, embracing all parts of herself, and overcoming obstacles and challenges. The significant adults in their lives need to provide guidance and support. That’s the real way we can help them avoid symptoms like depression and cutting. It’s also the way to guide them as they confidently and securely transform into womanhood.
[Tim Jordan, M.D., is a Behavioral Pediatrician who specializes in counseling girls ages 6 through college. For more information, visit drtimjordan.com.]
