Can we please find better alternatives than the military for young adults to experience risk, adventure, mission and purpose? The only choice many young people aspire to for adventure is going to war, in large part, because of a lack of awareness of other option.
I’ve met so many kids and young adults who were born with a temperament that screamed, “I need to spread my wings, take risks and do it my way!” Too many of these kids get labeled as out-of-control or rambunctious, ending up in the principal’s office or on medication. I find them to be happiest when they are leading, doing what they love and being heard and valued. These independent-minded kids often grow up to be incredible adults such as Elizabeth Blackburn, the first woman to be president of the Salk Institute, or Loretta Lynch, the first Black woman to become U.S. attorney general. Both were described as ornery, oppositional, adventurous children.
I read two interesting books this year about young men who yearned for risk and adventure. Where Men Win Glory is the biography of Pat Tillman, who enlisted in the army rangers after 9/11. Like many young men, he had aspired to engage in mortal combat since being a little boy, itching to confront the enemy firsthand and prove himself under fire. He died accidentally and tragically two years into his tour of duty by bullets from his own troops. Jon Krakauer describes his motivation to climb the summit of Mount Everest in his book Into Thin Air. Five of his expedition of twenty died on the trek. One of the climbers said, “When I left the military, I sort of lost my way. I discovered I couldn’t really speak to civilians; my marriage fell apart. But when I started to climb, the sport provided most of what had been missing for me in civilian life, the challenge, the camaraderie, the sense of mission.”
That’s where I get discouraged. Why are we not offering these adventurous kids and young adults better alternatives to channel their energy and enthusiasm? My oldest son T.J. went on a 22-month walkabout in New Zealand and Australia after graduating from college and a two-year experience with Teach For America. Flying by the seat of his pants and living on his own dime allowed him tremendous growth. He learned to trust himself and to become confident that he could handle any adversity. A young woman I know with an adventurous, free spirit left college after a year and signed on to do a six-week experience called Woofing, Worldwide Opportunities on Organic Farms. She worked on an organic farm in England for six weeks, then traveled around Europe with her new friends and worked at another farm. She learned some valuable skills and gained confidence. She’d had the urge to travel to other cultures since I met her as a camper in sixth grade, and I’m so proud that she made it happen. These are two different young adults who found a healthy outlet for their spirit.
There are alternatives to the military for spirited youth. Whether it be Teach for America, the Peace Corp, Woofing or service projects like Well Aware, kids and young adults can find opportunities to spread their wings and experience the adventures they long for. And it would help if we, as a culture, started valuing these experiences as much as the military or college.
Tim Jordan, M.D., is a behavioral pediatrician who works with girls in grade school through college. Check out his new online course, Parenting girls: The challenges girls face today with their feelings and friends and what they need, at drtimjordan.com.
