Students, I want you all to have a blast on prom night, and I want you to be safe and in charge of your evening. Statistics from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention show that one-third of U.S. adolescents are victims of physical, sexual, emotional or verbal abuse from a dating partner. Girls between the ages of 16 and 24 experience the highest rate of partner violence. Victims of dating violence are at a higher risk for substance abuse, risky sexual behaviors, eating disorders and further domestic violence. It’s a huge problem that seems to fly under our radar. Prom is a time when boundaries can be crossed, so here are my suggestions to keep you safe.
• Don’t buy into the cultural myth that prom night is a coming-of-age party when it’s expected that you will get wasted and have sex. Make decisions for your reasons.
• It’s not true that every boy wants to have sex every chance he gets. The truth is that deep down, guys want the same things as girls: closeness, intimacy, and to feel loved and understood. Find non-sexual ways to experience intimacy.
• Your best protection is being aware of internal alarms that go off to warn you something is not right: a knot in your stomach, pounding heart, sweaty palms, racing thoughts or a tightening in your throat. Your body is telling you to take action: take a break to calm down and check in with yourself, connect with your girlfriends or leave the situation.
• Become aware of what might blunt your alarm: alcohol or drugs, desperately wanting someone to like you, worrying about being lame, allowing self-doubts to confuse you, or low self-esteem.
• Make a list of your criteria for a dating relationship, including sexual behavior, in solitude. Create standards while clear-headed vs. trying to make good decisions in the heat of the moment. Remember that consent needs to be unequivocal, and it needs to be given repeatedly at every step of a romantic encounter. Check in with your partner and yourself throughout. Are you enjoying yourself? Are you moving too fast? Do you feel safe and respected? Do you feel pressure to do something you’re not ready for?
• You will take care of yourself in direct proportion to what you feel you deserve. If you truly believe that you are loved, important and deserve the best, your actions and decisions will match that belief. If you don’t love you, then he won’t either.
• Throw off any limiting beliefs about yourself. Go to prom armed with your intuition and your ‘inner Katniss.’ Have a blast, be true to yourself, and be ferocious and clear with boundaries. I believe in you.
Tim Jordan, M.D., is a behavioral pediatrician who specializes in counseling girls ages 6 through college. He recently launched an online video parenting course, Taking Flight: Everday Parenting Wisdom to Help Girls Soar. For more information, visit drtimjordan.com.
