Kids often share with me stories of overbearing parents who take the fun out of sports. I also recently read an article with tips for parents watching their kids play, and both have inspired me to write my own thoughts on the topic.
Watching one of my sons play high school hockey was excruciating because I felt his coach wasn’t using the right lineup. He kept putting in knuckleheads who were talented but had no interest in being good teammates or representing their school with honor. I wanted to say something to the coach, but luckily, caution prevailed. Years later, my son thanked me for allowing him to handle his dearth of ice time by himself because it gave him confidence.
I cringe each time I hear parents badmouthing their daughters’ coaches because I know it puts the girls in a tough predicament when they are facing said coaches. Even if they agree with their parents, they are expected to follow the coach’s rules and instructions. And if their parents vent their frustrations at the coach from the sidelines, it often causes embarrassment for the players. When I was coaching, I’ll never forget the look of humiliation on the face of one of my hockey players when his drunk dad tried to crawl over the glass to yell at me because he thought his son deserved more ice time. Prior to high school, most youth coaches are volunteers who are doing it out of the goodness of their hearts and for their love of the sport. If parents think they can do better, I encourage them to sign up next season and see how easy it is to mold a group of 8-year-olds into a well-oiled machine.
Our family, kids included, decided to only allow each child one sport a season. We wanted to have some family time not dictated by a sports schedule. My son who played hockey was upset with us one year when we wouldn’t allow him to play spring hockey since he already was playing baseball. But we kept to our commitment, and he realized that playing a different sport each season kept him from getting burned out. It’s also important to note that having a job results in worthwhile rewards for teenagers from interfacing with the public and earning their own money. Too many parents discourage jobs because they want their kids to focus on activities, even in college.
Yes, athletic teams also teach important life lessons, so don’t ruin it by being ‘one of those parents’ who is disrespectful and critical to coaches, opposing parents and players, teammates, or worse yet, their own child. Your children want you in the stands for encouragement and as a way to show you care, so stay on track.
Tim Jordan, M.D., is a behavioral pediatrician who specializes in counseling girls ages 6 through college. He recently launched an online video parenting course, Taking Flight: Everyday Parenting Wisdom to Help Girls Soar. For more information, visit drtimjordan.com.
