I recently interviewed psychiatrist Dr. Judith Orloff, author of The Empath’s Survival Guide, on my podcast, Raising Daughters, about the unique needs of kids who are highly sensitive. Highly sensitive kids (HSK) share traits like being sensitive to lights, smells, noise, touch and crowds, having a need for alone time to replenish, and taking longer to wind down at the end of day due to their system’s slower ability to transition from high stimulation to quiet and calm. These kids absorb the emotions, stress and negativity of others and often have a hard time distinguishing their own emotions from others. They feel things intensely, including the pain of others even through stories on the news. They get overstimulated and overwhelmed if they don’t take enough alone time to refuel and let go of their day.
There are many everyday factors that can make their symptoms worse: fatigue, illness, rushing, traffic, crowds, loud environments, toxic people, low blood sugar, arguing, overwork, chemical sensitivities, too much socializing, overstimulating situations, multitasking, overscheduling, lack of breaks and violent TV shows or newscasts. Too often they are labelled as shy, antisocial, withdrawn, overly sensitive, dramatic, weak, crybabies or fussy—or told they have social phobia, anxiety or depression. They may gain a diagnosis and become medicated. And perhaps worst of all, they may learn to believe that they are abnormal and become ashamed of the way they are.
Adults also often miss out on the unique gifts these kids bring to the world: experiencing high levels of passion, joy, compassion and caring; being vulnerable and self-aware; experiencing a special relationship to nature; and having high levels of creativity and imagination that can make them gifted artists and writers.
So, how can parents best support these sensitive and complex kids? First and foremost, love them for exactly who they are. When they look at you, they need to see reflected back that they are perfect just the way they are. Highly sensitive kids need to learn to become aware of when they are starting to get overloaded and then have off ramps to self-care. They need to learn how to cope with and express their emotions in healthy ways. It’s imperative that they learn to set boundaries when they need a break from overstimulating environments or draining people. Other helpers include taking breaks from technology, getting adequate sleep, spending time in nature, minimizing stress, hanging with positive people or using rhythmic movements to self-calm, such as walking, drumming, swinging or dancing.
Sensitive kids need permission to take breaks, have quiet time alone and set boundaries with adults if they are too overwhelmed to talk about what’s going on. Also provide creative outlets for their feelings and thoughts and find peers who are also sensitive souls for support.
These kids are amazing. Having adults who understand them and envision the best for them will be the gift that keeps on giving.
Tim Jordan, M.D., is a Behavioral Pediatrician who counsels girls aged grade school thru college. Listen to his weekly podcast, Raising Daughters, to gain information on raising strong, resilient girls. For more info on Dr. Jordan’s retreats, summer camps and books visit drtimjordan.com.
