Patty Unleashed

Patty Unleased: 6.22.22

I’ve just spent the last four days reading news reports about Queen Elizabeth’s 70th Jubilee. For a country that doesn’t have a monarch, the press extensively covers the royals, who can often be seen waving to the masses from their balconies. I do like the queen. Mainly because she coordinates her suits, hats and handbags so well, but I have never been overly interested in the whole royal family. I realize they have no true power, but every once in a while, I wonder what it would be like if I ruled the world. I think I would be a fair and benevolent queen, but right off the top, I would institute some new rules to make people’s lives better.

First, I would change the way we receive our news. Sure, we would still have all the networks, but they would be pretty much the same except for the anchors reading the news. That’s right, they would just read the news. No commentary. No round table discussions of pundits telling you what a certain presidential soundbite really meant. No arched eyebrows. Oh and if someone being interviewed lies or fails to answer a question, they are immediately cut-off from speaking. Would coverage still start early in the day? Of course. I am not ready to give up Al, Hoda or Craig in the morning! Oh, I do expect viewership to drop, but I have a plan for the networks. It is time to bring back soap operas. Let’s reboot All My Children and One Life to Live. Like you aren’t curious what Erica and Vicki have been up to?

Second, Elon Musk would be placed in time-out. I just can’t with that man. Oh, I know he has some underlying issues, but he just needs to stop talking, tweeting and naming his children with symbols. I know the guy is a billionaire and I should respect what he has done with SpaceX and Tesla, but I can’t. I just need him to be quiet for a little while or at least until the purchase of Twitter goes through or not.

Third, I would limit each person under the age of 18 to two social media platforms. In other words, you have to decide whether you are going to be on Instagram and Facebook or Instagram and TikTok. You can’t be on all three. This will help limit the amount of time kids spend on social media and, hopefully, some of the problems it causes. Plus, I won’t have to look around restaurants and see families conversing with the top of their kids’ heads at dinner. Everyone over the age of 50 will be required to be active on two social media platforms. This will include not just liking something but actually making a post!

Fourth, I would eventually allow elections for positions in the government, but I would change the rules regarding advertisements. You can no longer bash the person you are running against or the other party. We are going old school. If you can’t say anything nice, you can’t say anything at all. All political ads must tell what office you are running for and in which state since St. Louis networks show Illinois ads as well as Missouri. I need to know if I should care about Richard Irvin or not.

So, there you have it. My rules if I was in charge. Simple changes that would make me happier. Peace my Peeps.


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