Full disclosure: It has been a hell of a week, and I am heavily medicated. On Wednesday, I threw out my back, making it impossible to do anything other than stand upright. After two sessions of physical therapy, I now can sit and move. Then on Friday, while eating lunch, I broke a tooth right off, just like that, and now I am scheduled to get an implant. Those commercials you see on television are lies. It is not a one-day fix, nor is it only $99—and you do suffer in silence (though I might have the commercials for tooth implants and hemorrhoids mixed up. It is hell getting old.) And finally, I have the worst viral upper respiratory infection. All I can do is sit around and hack all day while watching MSNBC. For whatever reason, the constant talking makes me sleepy … except for today. The president has called someone else a dog. He has used the word dog as an insult before, but in this case, he was referring to Omarosa Manigault Newman. He also said she was mean and nasty.
Hmmm. I think anyone who watched one episode of The Apprentice knows she is mean and a little nasty. I don’t really object to those adjectives because I’ve used them in this column to describe my own behavior, though I guess I would be a little peeved if the president said that about me. I object to the idea that being a dog is bad. Sure, I am no fan of Ted Cruz, who the president said lies like a dog, but can the president please stop picking on dogs? What have they ever done to anyone other than be faithful and loving companions?
My family is a made up of dog lovers. I know I recently confessed that our dog Stella was likely trying to kill me. But that was written tongue-in-cheek. (Unless, of course, she has recruited someone to help her.) I digress. We’ve usually had two dogs at a time because we think it is nice for them to have dog friends and human friends in one house. That way, when we are out of the house, they can lie on the sofa and watch Animal Planet together while chewing up my husband’s topsiders. If you have two dogs, you are guaranteed that one will like you. In our house, Stella loves my husband and Stanley kind of likes me, even though I have to chase him around the dining room table so I can rub his belly. I do know, however, that whenever I am feeling down or sick or have dropped food anywhere in the house, both of them immediately come to provide me comfort and scarf up whatever they can. So insulting someone by calling them a dog just doesn’t make sense. Dogs are kind, loving, charming animals that care for their owners. Please, Mr. President, stop with the dog insults. Actually, stop with all of the insults, and can you please also stop …
Oh yeah, this column is supposed to make you chuckle, not get hot under the collar. So, my editor Karyn has a choice. She either can run this rather delirious column or perhaps she will decide to write in its place: “Patty Hannum is on vacation this week and will be joining us as soon as her meds wear off.” Good luck with that decision, Karyn!
Contact Patty at phannum@townandstyle.com.
