downtown
Jane: “What do you want to do tonight?” Dick: ‘I dunno … movie?” Jane: “You’re no fun. Hey! Let’s go dancing, like at a nightclub!” Dick: “Great idea, babe. Just hold on a sec while I grab a handgun and discreetly secure it somewhere on my person …” That probably wasn’t a discussion held—not once, but twice, in the past few months—as couples prepared for a night out grooving to the DJs at MOOD Lounge at 20th and Locust streets. After two recent incidents involving gunfire (several people were wounded), the joint might just as well be called FOUL MOOD Lounge. No nincompoop ever should have a gun, of course. But nincompoops get their hands on guns anyhow. Many nincompoops buy guns legally, because who could check thoroughly enough to determine a gun permit should never have been issued at all? (Some get their guns back from dad, even if authorities confiscate one from the son after an incident outside the White House.) Then, there’s the gun show loophole … and on and on and on. Gunfire erupted outside MOOD twice—once in March, once in April despite the heaviest police presence one could imagine: HQ for The Lou’s men and women in blue is less than a block away! Several glass bricks shot out of the curved wall on either side of the doorway were swiftly repaired, as was a window in the dentist’s office across the street —the slug was found between the waiting room couch cushions. Now, a police car is parked right across the street from MOOD, a camera on top aimed at the front door. Notably, this is one of the quietest, safest parts of the city during the day, what with police HQ within spittin’ distance. I hear nincompoops usually only come out at night.
brentwood
Has our friendly municipality—the City of Warmth—gone all cold and technological on us? The Missouri Municipal League (MML) has honored Brentwood for its technology to improve public safety via lowcost GPS tracking devices in all public vehicles. (Hey, if bike sharing companies can do it—see item below on LimeBike—why not official vehicles?) Brentwood is a 2018 MML Innovation Award winner in the Member’s Choice category, which is a big deal. Other MML awards are based on city population size, but a Member’s Choice award results from members voting for their favorite project, regardless of city size. The MML awards honor projects unfolding in communities across the Show-Me State that enhance quality of life. In June 2016, Brentwood partnered with Geocompile LLC to develop a data collection and analysis system that crunches data from the GPS units. Since implementation, 100 percent of the city is patrolled regularly; Type I criminal activity has dropped; at least two major crimes have been stopped in progress; and citizens have reported a notable increase in police visibility, particularly in residential neighborhoods. The system is completely cloud-based. What’s not to love about any and all of that? (I, for one, hadn’t heard of Missouri Municipal League. Full disclosure: Born a Yankee, I moved to the Midwest from Atlanta.) Here’s the official skinny: Founded in 1934 to provide a united voice for municipalities, MML serves more than 650 municipalities with training, resources and legislative advocacy for local government success.
tower grove south
My first LimeBike ride was a bust. The adage, “It’s just like riding a bicycle,” didn’t hold true for me, at first. Driving through Tower Grove South, I spotted my very first LimeBike standing outside, of all places, A&M Bicycle at Arsenal and Morganford, and decided to pull over and give it a whirl. It was a snap to download the app with my cellphone, which automatically unlocks the back wheel. I was up and rolling in a jiffy, but wobbly as heck, I kept pushing my feet on the pavement to slow down or stop. I soon realized they have hand brakes for that. I noticed a few LimeBikes standing around on street corners and at the ready in Tower Grove Park, plus a smiling, laughing couple riding a pair of the green two-wheelers along a trail. They’d have been great in an ad for the bike-sharing concept. Me, not so much. Before going far at all, I suddenly remembered my wife needed the car. So I stopped, picked up the bicycle, turned it around and rode back to lock ’er up—without ever leaving the sidewalk or crossing an intersection. A message popped right up on my cellphone. First part, a fib: ‘Great ride!’ In green, it displayed my exact route, which resembled the line a 3-year old might trace over the line a drunk tried to walk. But I rode 994 feet, burned 13 calories and prevented an infinitesimal amount of carbon dioxide from entering the atmosphere! Then I drove home. The next day—Monday, April 23—the LimeBike app told me I could walk 1.1 miles from our U. City condo for one of the 750 machines that had hit the streets just the Monday before. LimeBike is the first of two companies to offer bike-share services in the StL. The other, Chinese company Ofo, was expected by this writing to have started operating here with its 750 yellow machines. Rides come cheap: LimeBike is $2 an hour, Ofo just $1. Only one real safety problem—who carries a helmet with them anywhere, anyhow? A company rep on his way from Kiener Plaza to City Hall was wearing a knit hat.
forest park
We’ll be able to do it standing up beginning Friday (May 4) at The Boathouse in Forest Park. Why, shame on you! We’ll be able to paddle standing up, silly, on one of those way-cool stand-up paddleboards. (My word!) Anyhow, if you feel you’re somewhat unbalanced, you may also do it sitting down, now in a canoe or kayak as well as one of the popular paddleboats. Professional canoe and kayak outfitter Big Muddy Adventures is kicking off service via Boathouse Paddle Co., a partnership with the City of St. Louis Parks Department and The Sugarfire Smokehouse Group. (So, what? We’ll be able to order barbecue in a boat?) Boathouse Paddle Co. will operate the dock, offering the aforementioned watercraft for rent daily from 11 a.m. to sunset. Group reservations will be accepted for 10 or more boats; all other rentals will be first-come, first-served. But, do you feel that your scintillating conversation (read: romantic interlude) might be interrupted by the sun going down? Details on additional programming—such as SUP yoga, kayak classes, guided tours and moonlight paddles—will be announced later this month. (What’s SUP? ‘Stand-up Paddleboard’ yoga, that’s what’s SUP.)
cwe
Chess is big in The Lou. We have the national collegiate chess champions, many times over, at Webster University, which is very big. Then, there’s the World Chess Hall of Fame, which is pretty big. For one thing, it could have been located in, like, Constantinople … I mean Istanbul. (But that’s no one’s business but the Turks’.) Anyhow, now we have the world’s largest chess piece, a 20-foot-tall wooden king that has checkmated a piece in Belgium, which is now the world’s second-largest piece. Our piece was fashioned from African mahogany and treated with tung oil for moisture resistance. In 2014, the 16-foot-tall Belgian piece had checked a piece formerly in front of our HOF, a 14-foot king that was once the world’s largest (a metal plaque refers to that erstwhile piece, which was about a giraffe’s height). Sounds like we’ve engaged in quite the match with the Belgians. (But, bona fide chess players are already thinking three moves ahead: What’s the next thing after the thing that comes after the chess piece certain to follow this one? Could one eventually challenge the Gateway Arch? Um, no.) Fans of cool stuff are only grateful that this stunning piece is in the CWE. And, like they tend not to ever say at the conclusion of a hard-fought—or ‘excruciatingly contemplated’—chess match: That’s a winner! Steve Stenger, StL county exec, unveiled the piece with Rex Sinquefield, the man with very deep pockets instrumental in the hall’s move to the CWE from Miami. (It makes sense that Sinquefield helped remove the tarp, but why the county executive and not Lyda Krewson, mayor of St. Louis? Perhaps it’s an infantile, political-type squabble over something like privatization of the airport. Perhaps not. But Sinquefield is all gung-ho about privatization. Krewson is like ‘meh.’) Two large dudes engaged in a mighty match on the large outdoor board were dwarfed by the gigantic king looming above, as though warning it would crush the dude who made the next wrong move. But probably not. To gawk at the piece, or to try your skill on the outdoor chessboard, go just east of the intersection at Maryland and Euclid to 4652 Maryland Ave. You can’t miss it. Just don’t hit it.
