Q: As a female executive in a highly competitive arena, I regularly experience jabs by aggressive co-workers, particularly female associates who have no compunction throwing me under the bus to get ahead. As a former corporate executive, what did you do to maintain your balance? Any inspirational advice?

A: I was fortunate to have a remarkable mentor—my mother—who helped maintain my balance. Although she passed away in 2008, her wise counsel continues to inspire and motivate me. She, too, worked with challenging personalities as a former opera singer, drama coach, media consultant, community volunteer and the mother of three children. I had a front row seat as she coached, directed and performed. I marveled at how she interacted with friends, family and associates and somehow kept it all in balance. Her magic wand was her inner compass that helped guide my career as a communications executive and lobbyist for more than 30 years and into my new chapter as a business owner and columnist.

My mentor’s playbook:
My mother played by the book with authenticity, candor, open-mindedness, compassion, fairness and accountability. When challenged or jabbed unfairly, she never raised her voice. In fact, she would lower her voice to communicate clearly in a firm tone. When someone hit below the belt or delivered a knockout punch, her initial response was to: “Underplay, walk away and save her face for another day.” This tactic provided an opportunity to regroup and regain her composure before addressing the situation to avoid overreacting or making the situation worse, and when she did respond, it was done in private. But there were times when she intentionally remained silent, which can be deafening.

Additional advice to deal with ruthless coworkers:
Whoever the overly-ambitious co-worker trying to undermine your efforts is, it is essential to handle them professionally.

  1. Stay Calm: Don’t get defensive or emotional. Do take a few deep breaths, excuse yourself or take a short walk if needed, and assess the situation with a clear head.
  2. Get Support Outside of Work: Talking with a friend or family member can help gain perspective on the issue. Do not gossip with colleagues about the situation as it can erode trust.
  3. Meet Privately: Speak privately with your backstabbing co-worker. Don’t use personal accusations to explain your perspective. Stay above the fray but stand your ground, and hopefully, your colleague will get the message that you are someone to be respected not mocked or undermined.
  4. Prevent Future Incidents: Meet with your supervisor to clarify roles and responsibilities and to ensure you are meeting your assigned goals and objectives. And, again, avoid at all costs getting involved or weighing in on office gossip.

Protect your reputation, and maintain your professionalism.

Joan Lee Berkman is a marketing and public relations consultant. if you have a question for Joan, send it to business@townandstyle.com.