Question: I am invited to quite a few home clothing and jewelry parties. I am always up for getting together for a glass of wine with my friends but do I really have to buy anything?
Signed—Love my friends but not their sales
PATTY: Ouch! I am one of those people who invite their friends to parties where you can purchase clothing. So to answer your question, yes, you can come and drink wine and not buy anything. If I did not want you there I would not have invited you. But maybe a bigger unasked question is why do people have these kinds of parties? Honestly, I have them because I like the clothing, I like to have parties and I like to support my friends’ businesses. Yes, I get a discount on the items I buy, but in reality it just about covers the cost of the wine and food I serve. You should, however, never attend anything where you feel put-upon to purchase something. That’s not a party, that’s a fundraiser!
RASCHELLE: Mercifully, I don’t get invited to these often, but when I do, I go, and when I go, I buy — mostly out of latent Catholic guilt and a twisted sense of solidarity with the women who are hawking these goods. I really enjoy the plucky stories of the woman, and yes it is always a woman, who founded the company with her last $12. The last time I went to one I was sick and I couldn’t drink the wine, or eat the food, and about halfway though the fashion show, the rep said, “I don’t know you, but you look awful.” And with that, I was kindly but summarily excused. I did not buy anything and, to this day, every time I see someone wearing one of the breezy blouses or chic cashmere dusters this company sells, my heart breaks just a little. So yes, you must go and you must buy something.
Question: A friend gets ‘sloppy’ when we’re out during happy hour; it’s embarrassing. What should I do?
Signed—Sick of Sloppy
PATTY: You’re embarrassed? Well, so am I. Usually the next day, after I realize that I should not have had just ‘one more,’ even though the drinks are at happy hour prices. Here’s what you should do. First, take away her car keys. Friends, no matter how embarrassing, don’t let friends drink and drive. Second, leave her alone. If she calls the next day to ask how bad she was, suggest that the last drink perhaps was not her best idea. Last, consider this: I can almost bet you have at one time or another embarrassed your friend with one of your actions. Like the time you thought you were still young enough to pull off a crop top? Or the time you wore your stilettos in the ice storm and you asked the valet to carry you to your car so you wouldn’t ruin your shoes? As long as this is just an occasional situation, buck up. As Dionne Warwick would say, “That’s what friends are for.”
RASCHELLE: This situation is fraught. There’s a serious component that I’m just not qualified to address, but there’s also the been-there-done-that component I can address. So we’ll go with that. I think you have to do everything in your power to interfere with her ability to ingest alcohol. She clearly can’t be trusted with it and you shouldn’t have to endure the humiliation she brings to the table, literally. Bribe the bartender, switch her drinks when she’s in the ladies room, stuff her full of potato skins (do they even serve those anymore?). Do whatever it takes. And when she finally catches on and questions you about it, you can just say: “What soberness conceals, drunkenness reveals.” Seriously, you’re doing her a favor.
>> PATTY HANNUM APOLOGIZES TO ALL THE FRIENDS SHE HAS EMBARRASSED AND ASSURES THEM SHE WILL LIKELY DO IT AGAIN.
>> RASCHELLE BURTON WOULD LIKE TO REMIND READERS THAT THIS IS A HUMOR COLUMN MASQUERADING AS ADVICE … PLEASE ACT ACCORDINGLY.
