Ever since my car crash, my back has hurt. So, after consulting with a number of doctors, I had a medical procedure: kyphoplasty—no idea how to pronounce it, I got the correct spelling from my discharge papers. During this procedure, the doctor injects medical grade cement into your fractured vertebrae. Yes, it sounds more like a home renovation project than a medical procedure. I texted my three siblings about what I was doing. My brother Dennis recommended calling off the surgery, and he would insert Gorilla Glue into my back.

I showed up at Missouri Baptist for the procedure last week, and they were having a shoe sale! My heart skipped a beat as I realized I could shop before I was placed in conscious sedation! Sadly, they were running on time, so I did not get the opportunity to take a good look at the sale.

If you aren’t familiar, conscious sedation means you are awake, but you don’t care. A little-known fact, red heads need more sedation due to a mutant gene. I am not making this up. Remember, I have a nephew who is a surgeon, and I regularly confirm my findings with him. Though lately, he is not as quick when returning my calls. He places his patients before his aunt. Note to self: Discuss this with him next time you see him. My hypochondria should be the priority.

Anyway, after all the prep stuff, I was wheeled back to the operating room where I was placed on my stomach with my posterior in the air. Not the most comfortable position, but I was still able to quiz all the medical professionals on the shoe sale. It turns out they had access to all the name brand shoes you would want to wear if you are on your feet all day. It was a little quiet so I asked if they could play Van Morrison because I had started to get a little nervous, and there really is nothing better than music to relax you. I was waiting for sleepy time to begin but nothing. The doctor came in and was ready to go, but I was wide awake. My back was numb, so it was time to start.

Here is the problem: I am a chatty person normally, but put me in a stressful situation, and I can’t shut up. Chatty Patty, my husband calls me. So, as the doctor begins, I start talking about all the medical shows I watch on TV and ask for input on which ones are accurate and which ones he watched. Now mind you, all the doctor was required to do was fix my back, not carry on a conversation about TV. He was a good sport and even told me Scrubs was the most realistic. Once I finished that topic, I moved on to shoes. I never stopped talking. The doctor did the entire procedure while I reviewed TV shows and shoes.

If I was rating this whole procedure, I would give it five stars. It fixed my back. But more importantly, I would give the doctor and the operating staff five stars for allowing me to chatter and not gagging me with surgical gauze. Peace my Peeps.