The teen’s main job is transitioning from child to adult —no easy task. So it’s no wonder parents and their offspring both experience angst during these years. And while a meeting of the minds between the two groups might not seem possible, an uneasy truce does. Let’s see what the experts say.
[coping with adolescence]
“Adolescence has always been a complicated and difficult time,” says Dr. Chad M. Sylvester, an instructor in psychiatry at Washington University School of Medicine. “Kids are learning how to separate from their parents and families and establish identities of their own. Social relationships become critically important and often are the focus of an adolescent’s life.” And there are other, more biological, alterations.
“The brain is changing, and the body also is changing because they are going through puberty,” says Rachel Hasper, a licensed professional counselor at Rachel Hasper Therapy. As any parent who has gone through it knows, teens think they’re more mature than they are.“ The brain doesn’t stop growing until age 25. When you turn 18, you still have a lot of growing to do,” Hasper says. “That means a lack of cognitive reasoning and judgment (during the teen years).
Impulse control is not going to be as up to par as it will be when they are older.” As a result, she says, “They are at risk for experimenting with drugs and alcohol. They may have problems with addiction or risky behaviors like sexual promiscuity. They are new to driving. Suicide is at a higher level of risk. There are a lot of stressors.”
avoid struggle
“Sometimes an entire conversation between parents and teens is focused on ‘Don’t do this,’” Sylvester says. “Try to have regular conversations and to be as non-judgmental as possible. Start off by listening.” Teens can benefit simply from practice with verbal interactions, Hasper says. “Kids these days have floundering communication skills because of technology. They don’t know how to have difficult conversations face to face with people because it is easier to have the protection of texting.” Encourage your teen to speak up, she advises.
One example of why communication is important is bullying. “We don’t want our kids to feel like they can’t take charge and stand up for themselves,” Hasper says. “We want them to have the tools to handle differences of opinion and talk about difficult situations.”
talk, the best antidote
Mom and Dad need to be good listeners. “When your child gives an expression of stress or difficulty in coping, it is very important just to acknowledge that what they are going through is difficult,” Sylvester says. “Even well-meaning parents can make the mistake of inadvertently being dismissive of the stressors that teens go through.”
Hasper agrees. “The best thing a parent can do is be a good listener,” she says. “Try to have open communication. That gives kids a sense of belonging and a sense of peace at home. Spend time with your kids. Try to learn who they are, not who you want them to be.”
good habits
Important dialogues can begin long before the teen years, Sylvester says. “Establish a pattern of regular and open communication,” he says, stressing that talks should be two-way conversations. “Ask your kids how they feel about drugs and alcohol, what their friends are doing, and whether they have ever considered doing those things.”
Constant activity and connectivity also contribute to the stress of adolescence, Hasper says. “We don’t always need to be going, going, going. Kids today are always plugged into technology, and that social interaction can go on through the night.”
Parents can be role models for relaxation by turning off their own phones, Hasper says. “Unplug yourself. Take a walk around the neighborhood with your kid or sit in the back yard and share a snack. Talk about their day.”
[obesity in teens]
The rate of increase in teen obesity may be slowing, but about one in five adolescents still is considered extremely overweight. So what can we do about it?
by the numbers
Obesity leads to many long-term health issues, such as increased risk for cardiovascular disease, diabetes, bone and joint problems and many cancers, and the CDC warns that obese young people “are more likely to be obese as adults.”
“There have been some exciting statistics saying the rate is not as bad as it was, but it is still an issue,” says Dr. Lisa A. Ryan, a pediatrician and a clinical instructor at Washington University School of Medicine.
About 21 percent of American teens were obese in 2012, up from 5 percent in 1980, according to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. The obesity rate for children 6 to 11 years old is 18 percent.
habit-forming
Healthy habits should be ingrained in the family before adolescence, says Dr. Kim McCallum, medical director and founder of McCallum Eating Disorder Centers, which includes facilities in St. Louis and Austin, Tex. “It is harder to eat today,” she says. “You don’t have to eat huge amounts of food to gain weight. Portion sizes are bigger and our food has changed. We are more sedentary. We experience increased levels of stress and reduced sleep and watch more television.”
The 21st century presents unprecedented challenges, McCallum says. “I don’t think we have adapted yet to our culture. And once you have weight, your body is designed to hold onto it. That is why we need to intervene with teenagers and teach them good skills before their weight increases.”
all in the family
A weight-healthy plan is good for the whole family, Ryan says. “You don’t want to single the teen out. That could damage their self-esteem and keep the plan from working well. At our yearly exams, we talk about making it a family thing.” The plan should include reading food labels and eating fruits and vegetables. “If there are no unhealthy foods in the house, they just will no be there for the teen to eat,” Ryan says.
understanding
If your teen has put on a bit of weight, be understanding, McCallum says. “Teenagers are really sensitive about body size and shape. If a teen gains weight it could be a sign of a number of stresses or simply a change in activity level and energy availability,” she says. “You should talk to your pediatrician to make sure there isn’t a medical issue that is contributing to obesity.”
“I like to start with small goals, like giving up beverages that contain calories,” Ryan says. “We hope they come back in a month and we see a little weight loss, which can be a motivator.” McCallum concurs: “Regular eating rather than restrictive eating brings a better outcome.”
working out
“A little bit of exercise in the day goes a long way,” McCallum adds. “Some kids don’t enjoy physical activity or they feel de-conditioned because their weight has gotten higher. It helps to exercise with a friend, parent or sibling. Take a class together. Find something that is fun and sustainable.”
surgery
Should teens be considered for one of the surgical procedures that limit food intake? “That is somewhat controversial,” McCallum says. “It is an option but should be a last resort,” Ryan agrees. “We want the teen to have tried and failed at more conventional approaches, and then it is only going to be an option if the child is morbidly obese and there is a serious co-morbidity such as high blood pressure or Type 2 diabetes.”
[tattoos & piercings]
It’s safe to say that in this day and age, we can’t exactly control our teens, but we can guide them. And a tattoo is one thing we’ll want to guide them away from. Unlike piercings, tattoos are permanent, and teens aren’t in the best frame of mind to make decisions they’ll have to live with forever.
“We have seen some beautiful work in this town by tattoo professionals,” says Dr. Norman N. Bein, who often is hired to erase that work. His medical practice, Vein Specialties, uses a laser to remove the ink, but the process is not painless, inexpensive or perfect. “When you make a choice at an early age, things can change,” he says. “The thing is, tattoos are meant to be permanent.”
About one in five adults in the U.S. has a tattoo, but one in seven regrets it, according to opinion polls. Some people regret tattoos as soon as they get home. “We know that’s true because of all the parents who march their kids in here,” Bein says.
seemed like a good idea
Many teens think a tattoo or body piercing expresses independence and identity, says Dr. Matthew A. Broom, assistant professor of pediatrics at Saint Louis University School of Medicine and a pediatrician at SSM Cardinal Glennon Children’s Medical Center. “They are trying to make a statement that they may not be able to verbalize,” he says. “They are in a rebellious time.”
And celebrity culture glorifies body art. “In the entertainment and sports industries they see a lot of heroes who are totally tattooed,” Broom points out. A teen may not consider the future impact of ear lobe plates or an imprint of their favorite rock band’s logo. “It is hard when you are 15 to see into the future about how something will look when you are 55,” Broom says.
Or even as far as graduation from high school or college, when they may decide to join the military or a police department. “The No. 1 reason people want tattoos removed is going into government service where they are not acceptable,” Bein says.
the ewwww factor
A tattoo machine deposits ink by puncturing the skin with needles vibrating 50 to 3,000 times a minute. Body piercings are made with hollow needles that puncture the skin so jewelry can be inserted into the hole. Both carry the risk of infection, says Bein. “Almost all the inks used in tattoos come from overseas and none of the materials have been approved by the FDA.”
out, damned spot
The easiest color to remove is black, followed by red, explains Bein. Then come pastels. “If you are going to give your child any advice at all, it should be, ‘Don’t you dare get a Tweety Bird!’ No laser can remove yellow.” Bein uses local anesthesia and cools the skin during removal treatment by laser. “We explode every particle of ink into small pieces that the lymphatic system and macrophages can remove from the body.”
Three to 12 visits may be needed to remove a tattoo, he says, depending on size and number of colors. To predict cost, estimate the number of postage stamps that would cover the tattoo and assume a cost of $100 to $150 for each.
we need to talk
If your teen is talking about body art, you may want to slow them down, not shut them down, Broom advises. “Try to engage them. Ask if they understand the long-term consequences. Find pictures online of tattoos that were clearly bad choices and say, ‘Is this the first impression you want to
make when you apply for a job?’”
