Q | My friend’s daughter just went away to college, and my friend is so sad and miserable. I have tried to understand, but honestly, what did she think was going to happen, that her daughter would live with her forever?
—Confused Friend
Patty | Yes, your friend did expect that her daughter would live with her forever. As a matter of fact, your friend was hoping for a few tears and long hugs. But unfortunately, your friend sounds like she did a good job as a parent and launched her child successfully into her new world. You didn’t ask for my advice on what you can do for your friend, but I am going to give it to you since I am sooooo missing my own daughter. Give your friend a little extra love and attention. Ask about her daughter, but not too much, and finally, sometimes you just need to allow friends to wallow in sadness. Trust me, in less than a month, everyone will be settled into their new roles.
Raschelle | No, your friend didn’t think that her daughter would never leave; it’s just that thinking something and experiencing it are two completely different things. The journey from our minds to our hearts is the longest one we take—remember that.
Q | I love to go to the movies, but I am constantly distracted by people texting during the movie. even though their phones are on ‘silent,’ The glow of the light is annoying! Can I say something to get them to stop?
—All Aglow
Patty | Sure, go ahead and say something, but do you really think people that rude are going to care that it bothers you? All the theaters run a public service announcement about keeping your cell phones off, but that rule is followed just as much as the one about not bringing in outside food. This is a time when you really need to ignore everyone and everything and focus on the movie, unless of course it is awful. Then hit the concession stand and stuff yourself with as much popcorn and Junior Mints as possible.
Raschelle | You see, Mr. Aglow, movies are like buses or airplanes or any other public place. By going out in public, you agree to tolerate other people—it’s the contract you enter just by being in public. On top of that, you really can’t control others, not your loved ones and certainly not strangers. The bad news here: No, you cannot ask people to stop texting during the movie. The good news: Netflix is real. So log on, sign up and snuggle in—you can certainly ban texting in your own bed!
Q | The holidays are around the corner, and I dread all the gift-giving. I would prefer not to exchange gifts with friends and family any longer. How can I bring it up without sounding like Scrooge?
—The Grinch
Patty | Oh, dear, did someone put coal in your stocking when you were little, like my brother John did to me? I love the holidays and the gift giving because what I love the most is the gift getting! I don’t care how old I am or how lame the gift is, the whole process just makes me happy. I guess the best approach is to just tell them what you told me, that you are done. But don’t be crying to me on Christmas morning when there are no presents under your tree.
Raschelle | Well to be honest, Ebenezer, there is no way to do this without sounding like a Scrooge, so let’s start there. I agree with Patty; if you want to cancel holiday gift giving, just do it. But why stop there? Why not cancel birthday gifts and housewarming gifts, and while you’re at it, parties and celebrations in general. OMGosh, go ahead and ban laughing and happiness and rainbows and unicorns, too. Just don’t think about messing with cake, though. Whew, that is so much better—everyone serious and somber. Happy Holidays, people!!
» Patty Hannum misses her daughter, who is away at college, but she could certainly be cheered up by anyone in the gift-giving mood.
» Raschelle Burton loves Netflix, Hulu and texting in bed—and has just become the Pina Colada song!
