Q| I have a friend who constantly asks me for advice about everything. I am happy to give it, but she never takes it. What gives?
—Advice Not Taken
Patty | Hmmm. This is a conundrum for me. People should not be asking you for advice, they should be asking Raschelle and me … but maybe what your friend wants is not advice but rather just someone to listen to her. You would never turn down a friend who asks for your opinion, but I bet we have all wanted to back away slowly from a friend who gets ready to launch into her latest litany of problems. So, let me suggest that instead of giving advice, you just listen, nod knowingly and mumble at the right times.
Raschelle | These people are called askholes for a reason. They tend to be self-absorbed and needy, and asking for your advice gives them the cover to indulge themselves. I say run, don’t walk, unless of course you are training to become a therapist, life coach or standup comedian. Then by all means listen and nod knowingly as Patty suggests—then use the material to advance your career.
Q| I blush easily. Most people are kind enough not to draw attention to it, but occasionally someone will mention my red face, which only makes me blush more. How can I handle this gracefully?
—Red in the Face
Patty | I feel for you because up until my 40s, I was a blusher, and then, well, I guess I stopped having anything to blush about. First, I applaud you for wanting to handle the clods who are embarrassing you gracefully. When anyone pointed out how red my face was becoming, I wanted to punch them. But since we had a strict ‘no hitting’ rule at work, I wasn’t allowed. I think, “Oh, how nice of you to notice,” said as sarcastically as possible will get your point across.
Raschelle | You’ve got this all wrong. Just think of the money the rest of us spend on blush to add color to our faces … and you get it all for free! Blushing is a uniquely human experience, and I just read that it is a sign of trustworthiness. If I were you, I would embrace it and not fight it—what you resist will persist. Got it? Now, wanna play some poker?
Q| My family has a place in Michigan and around this time of year, my friends and family start hinting for an invitation to join us over the summer. It drives me crazy. Any suggestions?
—Not Welcome Mat
Patty | Just one: sell your place. Seriously, if you can’t handle a few hints about wanting to be invited, you shouldn’t have a vacation home. My husband and I are fortunate enough to have a second home, and right after buying it, we agreed on who we were and were not going to let use it. That makes it very easy to ignore hints. And for those who just outright ask, I tell them we don’t rent the place out. That’s right, I imply that we would charge them if we were going to let them use the house. That’s usually the end of the story.
Raschelle | Tuck your crazy in. You are fortunate to have a vacation home, and you are driven crazy by friends and family hoping to join you for some fun there? Have you never read that children’s book—the one about the lonely, angry creature with a heart three sizes too small? It sounds like you have a good life—take time to remember that and be grateful, or risk turning into a hairy, oddly-coiffed monster who steals other peoples’ joy.
» Patty Hannum learned a new word today, askhole, and will be using it in 2016, along with her other favorites: hangry, slangry and resting bitch face (RBF), to the annoyance of everyone.
» Raschelle Burton is talking about the Grinch, and any resemblance to a certain presidential candidate is purely coincidental.
Photo: Colin Miller of Strauss Peyton
