Business owners and CEOs of Fortune 500 companies I have spoken with all over the world agree that many of the young adults they hire lack some critical skills: the ability to delay gratification, strong people skills, collaboration, self-reliance, self-motivation, and the ability to work hard with the long-term in mind. These are millennials, and they have their own distinct requirements, including a lot of external praise and guidance to keep them on task. It’s also reported that they have a hard time coping with the normal ups and downs and failures of life. They come into the workplace wanting to choose their hours and move into the corner office without putting in the sweat equity to earn it.

Experts have placed the blame on poor parenting. These kids have been micromanaged, rescued and coddled by parents who seem to think they are responsible for their children’s happiness. I’ve heard advice given to companies that goes something like this: Work hard to help millennials build confidence, overcome challenges, find more balance, and overcome their need for instant gratification.

But isn’t that how millennials got their problems in the first place? Qualities like grit and self-efficacy cannot be given; they have to be earned through meeting challenges, overcoming obstacles, and dealing with mistakes, failures and disappointments. I’m not exactly saying people have to suffer in order to learn, but often our best lessons come from hardship and failure. The best way we can help these young adults find joy and fulfillment in their work is to get out of their way, stop micromanaging them, and allow them to find their own motivation. People who have that kind of autonomy become more fulfilled because they completely own the results of their labor.

Millennials need to parent themselves, motivate themselves, encourage themselves and push themselves. When young adults come to their parents or boss frustrated or upset, the best response is a question right back to them: So what will you do? If a 30-year-old can’t cut it in the workplace, maybe they need to experience the consequence of not working hard: getting fired. Losing their job might be the best thing that ever happened to them if it serves as a wake-up call.

Instead of blaming mommy and daddy (and their boss), millennials need to point the finger at themselves and take charge of their lives.

Tim Jordan, M.D., is a behavioral pediatrician who specializes in counseling girls ages 6 through college. He recently launched an online video parents course, Taking Flight: Everyday Parenting Wisdom to Help Girls Soar. For more information, visit drtimjordan.com.Â