forest park
Forgive me for being a Philistine, but I am not a fan of the public art by Richard Serra that so far has been installed in the metro. Enough has been written about Twain, the intentionally rusted corten steel panels downtown that most regular folks, like me, just don’t get. The initial reception and continuing criticism have amounted, essentially, to a Bronx cheer. Soon, we may have another such sculpture on Art Hill … where it belongs, I guess. It’s to be installed at the Saint Louis Art Museum, where it has been once before. What is it? Alright, already: It is titled To Encircle Base Plate Hexagram, Right Angles Inverted—a name I venture to say is more intriguing than the piece itself. It is to be installed in the roadway behind the iconic statue of King Louis IX that surveys the famed slope in front of SLAM. It won’t be a hazard to pedestrians or motorists, mind you. It’s designed to be flush with the pavement. From above, it looks like the edge of a really big manhole cover, only half the circle is thick, the other thin. Maybe a Bronx cheer for this one would be fitting since its first installation was in the Bronx in the 1970s. It has since had a white-elephant kind of life; no one has held on to it for too long. It was purchased by a St. Louis family in the ’70s, lent to Laumeier Sculpture Park in the ’80s, then given to the art museum, where it was installed in a parking lot. During construction in the ’aughts, it went into storage, and it seems it will soon return to the light of day … and be trod upon and run over by cars in perpetuity. Nice.

affton
Chances are, if you can hit a golf ball, baseball or softball today, you missed lots of them with your first swings at Tower Tee. Golfers from millennials all the way back to men and women ‘of a certain age’—OK, baby boomers—have frequented the Affton golf complex since it first teed off in 1963. That could change if the land, nearly 28 acres, is pulled out from underneath it. Sold, that is. The parcel that features a driving range, par-3 course, batting cages and miniature golf has been put up for grabs by the folks who also own the tower for which the fun-plex is named. (It’s the transmitter for KSDK-TV, Channel 5.) That said, the current owner has submitted a bid as well. Tower Tee—at 6727 Heege Road, just off Watson and listed for $4.5 million and change—has been referred to as a ‘prime infill location,’ ideal for mixed-use development such as single-family and multifamily housing, town houses, institutional uses … that is, if you have a developer’s turn of mind. I don’t. If you ask me, and thanks for asking, I think there’s plenty of all that in the metro already. Plus, houses or an institutional facility would get in the way of thousands of shots zinging in that direction. Somebody could break a window. Who says ‘multiuse’ can’t mean peaceful coexistence? Because, you know, nobody could really be thinking of removing Tower Tee … could they? That would be like tearing down Ted Drewes for a new Starbucks. And besides, there are plenty of other counties out there with lots of room for buildings and stuff. Oh well. It might not hurt to get out to Tower Tee while the weather’s still nice.

st. louis
For 150 years, we’ve been writing checks to Laclede Gas … well, some of you aren’t as old as some of us. Now, for a while, it’s been called Spire. But even after quite some time, writing the new name is about as easy as writing the correct new year on your checks in January. No matter. Regardless of what we’ve written on the checks, they’ve cashed them. Mainly, we’re proud (read: inflexible) around here. It’ll never be Interstate 64 through the StL … it’s Highway Farty. Next thing you know, they’ll try to make us pronounce ‘Gravois’ without the ‘s,’ call frozen custard melted glop, or convince us that Imo’s pizza smells like a dumpster fire. Nah. Ain’t gonna happen.

kirkwood
What will scammers think of next? Well, the latest attempt to ‘steal by phone’ involves not only the Kirkwood Police Department, but the Internal Revenue Service as well. But neither is to blame. Scammers have the police department’s number show up on caller ID, but then someone claiming to be from the IRS is on the line. Two strikes here for the scammer, although since there’s a sucker born every minute, the suckers haven’t all died out yet. Some people apparently fall for this ruse. The fake IRS agent making the fake call from not-the-police tells the person on the other end that they owe delinquent taxes from a previous year. Well, that’s the third strike for the scammer, unless they’ve managed to get a really gullible person on the line. IRS agents do not and will not call you, much less from the police department, which is the last part of this fake deal. The IRS would send you a letter. It takes advantage of the fine services provided by another government agency, the U.S. Postal Service. OK, this is where it really gets goofy. If someone has managed to believe this noise so far, the scammer will tell them to go to their local Walmart and get a money order for the owed taxes, then send the payment to a designated address. Throughout this fake call, of course, hanging up is a doggone good idea. Alerting the police jurisdiction from whence the call allegedly originated isn’t a bad idea either. And if the caller has managed to stir you up and you have a knot in your stomach about taxes … and who doesn’t, for much of the year … you could call the IRS and check whether you owe back taxes. Or leave it alone. If the IRS really needs something from you, you’ll get a letter. Believe me.

chesterfield
Pecan Legacy Park was created to honor a monarch tree and will remain central to the Chesterfield Blue Valley development long after the tree has gone on to its great reward. We’re celebrating the stately tree’s 125th birthday: According to a plaque, it was planted in 1892 by one Gottlieb Bayer. It’s also the first birthday of the park, designed and built to protect the tree and its three offspring that have grown right where the nuts fell. The big mama tree’s trunk circumference is more than 14 feet, its height is estimated at 70 feet and limbs extend 60 feet in all directions. (Thank goodness there’s an 80-foot flagpole nearby that doubles as a lightning rod.) The park is in a basin, a perimeter sidewalk of exposed aggregate framing it, topped by decorative fencing with low stone retaining walls on two sides. Three staircases descend to the interior, which is covered with grass, pavers, decorative rock and lush landscaping. It’s perfect for gatherings and will accommodate tents, if desired. Then, there’s Pioneer Farmer by Julie Sesti, the bronze of a rugged man standing with his dog, gazing bravely toward … mega, mega development. It would have been nice if they’d saved that grand old farmhouse nearby. Someone could’ve turned it into a charming B&B. But, no. You see, the park was an important part of CBV’s contract to purchase the last 5 acres to complete the developer’s assembly of property for 132 contiguous acres featuring a Premium Outlets mall, Gander Mountain, a hotel, and … watch this space.