Patty Unleashed

Patty Unleashed: 6.17.20

As we all begin to crawl  out of our bunkers after quarantine and re-engage with the real world, I think we can be divided into two groups: Those who used their time wisely and those who didn’t. I would fall into the latter category. I’m lazy, and COVID-19 brought out the absolute worst in my personality.

My husband Carey and I watched our grandson Robbie about four mornings a week. But it quickly became obvious I was the assistant to the Robert Jay and Robert Carey Show. Grandma only was needed for diaper changes and bottle refills. I am okay with that; I’m more of a toddler person anyway. Once Robbie was gone, Robert Carey left for work, so I had plenty of time to do what I wanted.

I actually did attempt a few constructive things. First was cleaning out my closet, which still has winter clothes in it. But then the weather took a chilly turn, so I decided to wait even though I can’t shut the door. Then, I had my husband drag upstairs three boxes of belongings from my parents, who have long since passed. I needed to go through them, but every time I tried, it made me sad. So I read a book or watched Netflix instead.

Second was my desire to start a walking program. I live in a neighborhood that is very walkable. Both sides of the streets have sidewalks, there are no speeding cars, and people wave as you walk by; it’s like Mayberry. I have noticed an increase in foot and bike traffic, though. Lots of people have been working from home and just taking a break for a quick walk. That said, all the women looked like models out of Shape magazine who recently shopped at Dimvaloo. The men have had no reason to shave or get a haircut. (Guess Zoom was a little too forgiving.) Wait, they weren’t walking; they were jogging or running, fast, and they were in great shape. Not strolling, like the 60-year-old in bad sweatpants and a T-shirt with a picture
of a chicken smoking a blunt. So, I came home and read a book.

My third idea was to finally sit down and start the book I have wanted to write for the past five years. (I’ve even gone to writing workshops.) I had lots of false starts. I know that I have what it takes, according to other writers and editors. Or do I? I mean, let’s face it. I paid to go to those workshops. What were they going to tell me? “You are awful”? Were they really in a position to crush my dreams of being published? Anyway, not much headway was made on my book. (But I did read a few good ones written by other people.)

My fourth idea lasted about as long as this sentence. I was going to make bread so I could post it on Instagram. Then, I realized no one would believe I had done it on my own anyway.

So, dear readers, if you had a productive time in lockdown, great! But I also hope a few of you were just as lazy as me.