Patty Unleashed

Patty Unleashed: 7.10.19

I cannot get the Guess Who song, “Undun,” out of my mind: “She’s come undun. She didn’t know what she was headed for, and when I found out what she was headed for, it was too late.” Yes, I think I am coming undone. I have lost my fight. I am worn out by my outrage at oh-so-many things going on in our beautiful country. I used to be a weekly caller to my senator’s and congressman’s offices to let them know how I felt about issues, but it just doesn’t seem to make a difference anymore. Indifference is an odd feeling for me, and then I found out I was dead.

My sister-in-law Terrie received a letter from Toronto stating that Patricia Fitzgerald (my maiden name) had died and left an estate of $6 million. It claimed Terrie was the heir, and that if she worked with them, some of the money could be hers. Clearly it was a scam, though it did state I died from lung cancer, so I had to curse myself again for those few years of smoking. Anyway, Terrie and I laughed about it because well, I am very much alive, and while I love and adore Terrie, there would be quite a few other heirs to my estate, like my own children.

A few days later, my cell phone rang. The call was from Arlington, Texas. I don’t know why I answered, but I did. The person on the phone told me there was a warrant for my arrest in California because my identity had been stolen. The caller indicated he was from the Social Security Administration and that he could resolve the problem if I would give him some additional information. First, he asked for my social security number. I responded with, “Don’t you have it? You’re the Social Security Administration.” His response: “Yes, I do, but I must verify who I am speaking with.” I replied, “You called me. I didn’t call you.” Clearly I wasn’t being helpful, and I likely was going to be arrested. At that point, I told him I was an attorney (lie). He said I should have told him that to begin with, sounded a horn and hung up on me. Hmmm.

Not more than 45 minutes later, my cell phone rang again from Arlington, Texas. This time, I knowingly answered the phone. I let the guy give me the spiel about my impending arrest, and I told him that I worked for the Social Security Administration (lie) and I knew the call was a scam. But before he could hang up, I turned into my mother and told him how shameful it is that he is preying on innocent people trying to scam money from them, and couldn’t he find a better way to make a living? Again, a horn sounded and he hung up. Oh, but I was determined that someone was going to listen to me. So I called back.

I was connected to a new person who immediately hung up. I tried again. Another hangup. And then finally when I called, all I got was a busy signal. The scam artists had blocked my number. I was mildly amused because shouldn’t I be the one blocking their number? So I have decided I am going to answer all of those calls and yell at the scam artists. It is my one-person campaign. And somehow that makes me feel just a tiny bit better about the world. While I can’t fight some of the important issues, maybe, just maybe, I can help make the annoying little ones go away.

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