Patty Unleashed

Patty Unleashed: 12.11.19

Dear Readers,
Well, this is it! It’s my last column for 2019, and from what I understand, you’ll still hear from me next year. The new publisher has not pulled my column, which, to be honest, would be awfully awkward since we’re friends. So as in previous years, I will use my 600 words to thank those who make my column possible.

First, Karyn Williams, our editor, and Julie Johnson, our associate editor, routinely save me from myself. I am not a writer. The last creative writing class I took was in 1976 at Nerinx Hall. Somehow, no matter what word salad they receive, it becomes readable. I also appreciate that they will listen to my bizarre ideas for new columns and never mention them again.

Second, my brothers and sister and their spouses: Without you, I would have no material. I know there are times when you would prefer I don’t share, but I can’t help myself! You all are very entertaining. I still have not given up on the idea of a reality TV show that would feature us. (I have a friend who works for the Discovery Network. If only I knew how to work a video camera … or even the camera on my phone … I could shoot a dem. We could be famous!) Anyway, remember I love you; don’t die.

Third, my immediate family: I do try to shelter you just a little bit, but with the birth of my first grandchild, Robbie, forget about it! Everything he does now will be documented. No need for a baby book!

Fourth, to my friends, especially the ones who go on my kooky adventures: It is nice to have sidekicks. And for those of you who look at me and say, “This better not end up in your column,” thank you for the idea! I often don’t realize a great idea until you point it out.

Fifth, to Donald J. Trump (stunned you, didn’t I?): I feel like we live in a bit of an upside-down world, and much of that has to do with you. At times, I get really worked up and have no place to go with the energy, except  here! So thank you for inspiring me to sit at the keyboard and say what I want.

Sixth, to my OCD: Yes, I am tipping my hat to my mental illness. Most of you know I take medication to keep it under control. But as anyone with a mental illness knows, a little bit always slips through. My OCD makes me hit my deadlines, think about funny topics to share, and try to improve my writing each issue.

And finally, to my beloved readers: Perhaps beloved is too strong, but anytime someone tells me they read my column and laugh, I want to hug them—which is strange because I’m not a hugger. In all of these years, I have received only one negative comment, and I just assumed a family member did it under a fake identity. I love writing this column, and as long as you keep reading it, we’re stuck together. Happy Holidays!

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