Patty Unleashed

Patty Unleashed: 6.1.22

I think all of us are ready for a little adventure in our lives after staying close to home because of COVID, and now with cases going down (keep your fingers crossed) and boosters available, it seems safer to travel. Instead of worrying about the guy next to me coughing (yes, I still wear a mask on an airplane), now I just hope he keeps his shoes on.

I am happy to say I’ve traveled to 49 of the 50 states—Alaska is the only one I have yet to visit. I plan to get there with my nephew Evan on a cruise, as he also hopes to visit all 50 states. However, he has four kids to put through college, so I might have a long wait. Perhaps, I could just offer to pay and put him up in the mechanical room of the cruise liner. I am sure they would allow that. No one tell Evan.

Now, I haven’t seen every city in each state, but I have both slept and eaten a meal in each one. I have a love of most states that others don’t. I think Kansas is majestic. You see wide open spaces, but I see working farms. I love Iowa because of the people. Never met a mean Iowan. (No need to send me your list if you have one.) And then of course, I love the Florida Keys where the water is clear, people don’t own winter coats and no one ever asks what you do for a living. So why not focus on our beautiful National Parks? Simple reason. They are death traps for people like me, who in one year broke both her feet and lacerated her liver.

You see people die at these naturally beautiful family venues. Stay away from the Cascade National Park, which has the highest rate of death in part because it is visited the least. Apparently, the rugged and steep mountains aren’t meant for Tilles Park strollers like me. About eight people every year are killed by wild animals—much less than I thought, given the dreams I have. Many more are killed when posing for selfies! People can often fall or drown. Death traps, I tell you!

So, I’ve decided I want to go to Australia where it seems so beautiful and the people are friendly. Why, you ask? My Amazon Prime subscription includes Acorn TV which offers a variety of Australian shows, so I feel I am well versed in the culture of the people! Yes, I did just write that sentence with a certain amount of sincerity. Somehow, I think Married at First Sight Australia will prepare me. Plus, to fit in I am going to start using some Australian slang once I land:

  • Would you like a cuppa? Why yes, tea with honey would be great.
  • Tell me about the Sheila you are traveling with? She is my daughter. Don’t go near her.
  • Do you reckon you could grab me a stubby from the fridge? I would be happy to grab a beer for you.
  • Did you see that man on the beach in his budgie smugglers? Yes, I saw his speedo, and my eyes now need to be rinsed out.

I will be so ready when the trip I haven’t booked arrives! G’day Mates!


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